Uh-oh! Time to JOCK IT UP... Redskins style

First, allow me to mock someone who left a comment about the Washington Redskins cheerleaders.

Several months ago, after attending a particularly awful game, I posted various rants about the team. I made a throwaway, knee-jerk reference to the "cheerleader whores". Then, recently, I added the comment capability and republished the whole blog, resulting in comment threads for all of my old posts. An anonymous person calling themselves "A little respect" left a comment on this old post, that went a little-a somethin' like this:

If you're such a hater of the 'Skins why do you go? ...at least they are smart enough to get your money. And if you don't know the time and committment the cheerleaders put in, or don't know the hours on end they practice to bring a bit of home to soldiers around the world, or hours they volunteer reading to children, visiting hospitals, etc...you are so sad. Whores? If you only knew some of them personally. you are truely a sad person.
Oh, man. Obviously, throw a big [sic] tag over the whole thing.

I love the phrase, "at least they are smart enough to get your money." That's so Washington. What's the Worthington Law, from Mr. Show? Ah, yes...

More Money = Better Than

"That's right, Bob. Listen to your friend. A person who makes more money than you is better than you, and therefore beyond criticism." Clearly, team owner Daniel Snyder subscribes to this law. "Why, I'm rich! I own a helicopter, dammit! Of course I'll be able to pick football players good! Get Keyshawn Johnson on the phone!"

What's weird is: I didn't even spend that much time criticizing the cheerleaders. I mean, they're a bunch of nubile young 20-somethings in hot pants and cowboy boots, dancing and kicking to "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. For 10 weeks straight, without changing their routine. Do you expect me to believe they were hired for their dancing/musical abilities, and not their inherent whoreiness?

And, as much as I would like to get to know some of them personally, I don't think that's likely to happen.

Or is it...?!



Anyway, after a dismal 5-11 season, the Redskins are once again in all-out spending mode, as Snyder peruses the free agency pool looking for players that a) he's heard of, and b) can overpay.

Here's a summary of the Redskins' recent moves:

  • Overpaid for QB Mark Brunell. I liked him back in the day in Jacksonville, but can't get over the feeling that in 2004 he falls into the Old and Busted category. His best year was 1996, when he was allowed to scramble around and had both Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell to throw at. Later, after being taught to stay in the pocket and be less mobile, he was less effective, and the injuries started to mount up. His signing...

  • Pissed off QB Patrick Ramsey. The signing of Brunell rightfully angered the second-year quarterback, who himself was forced to take a beating thanks to a mentally-challenged offensive line. Granted, Ramsey was a reach as a first-round pick, but he's shown some promising talent when he's been conscious. Now, he may have to be traded away, and once again the team will likely see a promising player racking up stats for another team.

  • Overpaid to re-sign LB Lavar Arrington. Eight years and $80 million. Granted, he's been to three straight Pro Bowls. But he's also so full of himself that you get the sense he's not really willing to take direction or learn football discipline; his level of "freelancing" on defense occasionally resulted in an easy TD last year. And, his new contract...

  • Pissed off CB Champ Bailey. Bailey has been my favorite player on the team; he's super-speedy and he's been consistently disciplined, unlike his teammates. Plus, he showed that he has more patience and intelligence than Snyder with this quote from last year, after a bad loss:

    "If it doesn't work out, you get so frustrated and paranoid and feel like changes have to be made. But sometimes you've just got to be patient. It's like this every year here. I love the fact that we're trying to get there. But sometimes you just have to stay on the course you're on because sometimes it takes time."
    OK, so if Champ knows that, why doesn't Danny?

    There's no question in my mind that Bailey was the most talented player on the team, and one they absolutely had to keep. So of course the team...

  • Traded Bailey (and a 2nd round draft pick!) for RB Clinton Portis. Not that going after a strong running back is necessarily a bad thing. Of course, when you already had a good running back that you released for the purpose of concentrating on the passing game, it doesn't seem like such a good idea to sacrifice one of the best cornerbacks in the game, plus a high draft pick, to acquire Clinton Portis a year later. But since we're up to Plan Nine for Rebuilding the Team, changing direction and focus once again, team management thinks it's justified in making Portis the highest paid running back evah.

    Is he really that good? Up to Jim Brown and Walter Payton levels? I don't think so. And there are rumblings that the Redskins are overpaying Portis by a lot, considering that he was already under contract at a minimum rate for the next two seasons and had no bargaining leverage. That will make his agent happy, but it will also make it harder for the team to fit 51 other players under the salary cap.

  • Signed their latest savior head coach, Joe Gibbs. I'm not convinced that Gibbs' expertise is enough to overcome Dan Snyder's ham-handed management. Gibbs, of course, has been busy running a NASCAR team for the past decade or so. Here's what his team's car looks like this year:

    HA! Well, at least he has Jesus on his side. And we all know how much Jesus loves to make his favorite football teams win.

    Anyway. No more season tickets for me; I've had enough bad, overpriced football to last me a lifetime. Instead: trip to Europe this summer. Woot!