| Tragic victim | Terri Schiavo | Donte Manning | |
| Age at death | 41 | 9 | |
| Time spent as a vegetable | 15 years | About three weeks | |
| Cause of condition | Cardiac arrest; chemical imbalance caused by Terri's bulimia (and by drinking nearly a gallon of iced tea) | Being shot in the head (Gunman remains on the loose) | |
| Location | Pinellas Park, Fla. (950 mi. from D.C.) | 13th and Euclid St. NW, D.C. (within boundaries of Congressional | |
| Congressional response | Personalized novelty legislation; unprecedented intervention into judicial process | [crickets chirping] |
Last year, 24 of the District's 198 homicide victims were juveniles. Donte is this year's fifth. And right in Congress' backyard! I'm sure this time they'll actually pay attention to the city around them and do something about it... or, yeah. Do the usual and completely ignore it.
To recap: gay civil union issues and local real-estate developments require immediate Congressional attention! Children routinely getting shot requires no attention.
Oh well, you know how it is... "Donte Manning" just doesn't play as well on Fox News.
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