Dear George Washington,

When you selected this particular area of swampland in which to place our nation's capital, you lacked to foresight to know that it would, over 200 years later, be more than a three-hour drive from the nearest casino gambling.

In my opinion, this taints your entire legacy. If I'm going to have to deal with the misery that is the city named after you, at least you could have placed it close enough to AC to pull off a day-trip.

And also, did you come up with the exploding manholes bit, or was that Pierre L'Enfant? Either way: really bad idea.


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