Stories received via e-mail.
They say a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged. I kinda feel that way about DC. I used to sort of like this place, or at least didn’t have the visceral loathing that I have developed over the past few years. Washington DC does have its moments, It can be remarkably beautiful at times and I would be lying if I said that I’ve never had a good time here. However,….. In recent years the things I truly hate about DC and its surrounding areas have begun to totally overshadow those things that make this place livable.
The thing that tore it for me was having my car, a truly special and unique vehicle that I had lovingly built over several years with my own hands, blood, sweat tears and hard earned cash, was brazenly stolen from right outside my house. I of course reported it as soon as I saw that it was missing and of course the surly voice on the other end of the phone didn’t even try to give a shit. I hoped against the inevitable but the car was not recovered (at least not immediately, I’ll get to that soon).
So I bought another car, a nice little black Acura RSX which I had had for less than a month before some careless asshole rear ended me trying to jump the line of traffic turning on to GW Parkway off of 123. Typical
The real fun started though when I went to try and register my new ride. Of course DC found a slew of unpaid tickets, Yes, A few were actually mine but the vast majority of them were completely off the wall. One of my particular favorites was a $100 ticket written in 96 somewhere in Anacostia for a Ford Taurus. At that time I was attending Catholic University, Living in Alexandria, and I didn’t even OWN a car. Oh and BTW, I’ve never owned a Ford. The real kick in the teeth though was a slew of tickets that were written on my dear departed civic, parked illegally somewhere in Petworth FIVE FUCKING DAYS AFTER I REPORTED IT STOLEN. And this wasn’t one random ticket mind you. Oh no. There were four written for the same location over a 3 day period. Does anyone CROSSCHECK this shit? Oh, that’s right This is DC. Of course not.
I finally got that shit sorted out after wasting a day and a half at the Kafkaesque DC traffic bureau on K street and at DC police HQ at 300 Indianna to get proof that the Civic had indeed been stolen. Then I went and blew another day on getting the car inspected and registered, plus more than $500 in registration fees. Gotta love the pencil pushers.
The last straw though came a few months later. I got a call from the DC 4th district Police Station telling me that my car had been recovered. ??????!! You’re shitting me right? No,… The officer said, It’s in a lot down in South West. I decided to take another half day from work and head down to see what, if anything, was left of my pride and joy. Maybe something could be salvaged (although I didn’t really have much hope of that).
I shouldn’t have fucking bothered. When I got to the address the officer had given me the guy at the lot didn’t know what the hell I was talking about but he told me I was free to look over the lot to see if I could find my car. Nope, Not there. Nada, zip, nothing, stripped or otherwise. So I called the cops again to try and figure out what the hell was going on. “Well, they said, It was found in an alley off of 16th street somewhere north of Columbia Heights. A tow was called for but maybe it’s still there” Great, You couldn’t tell me that in the first fucking place? I thought. But the address they gave me was more or less on the way back to my office in Bethesda so I thought I would go give it a look. Nope. Not there either.
So I gave up on DC’s wild fucking goose chase. I had more or less gotten over the loss of my car, as irreplaceable as it was, and I just wanted to move on.
That wasn’t the final chapter though, Oh no indeed. A few months ago I got a letter from DC public works billing me over a thousand dollars for towing and storage fees for the carcass of my poor old civic and telling me that I needed to get rid of it and pay up or else. I didn’t know whether to laugh or scream.
I told them that my preferred method of disposal would be for them to crush the car into a cube about 16 inches on a side and shove it up Mayor Williams ass. Oh and the fees? It’ll be a cold day in a Washington DC August before they see a fucking cent. I’VE HAD IT WITH THIS PLACE. I’m moving back to California and never looking back. If they want me they can come find me but they better come armed.
Yeah, I fucking HATE DC
The reason above is just the last in a long series of outrages. Stick a fork in my ass, flip me over, I'm DONE. I'll do anything to get out of here.
I'm getting out of here at the end of June. Here's my fun story about the sweet people of DC: Last October I took a new job with a "nonprofit" environmental publisher located on expensive Connecticut Ave. You know the one: the publisher lives in Georgetown and drives an SUV to work. How environmental is that? And how nonprofit. In November my younger brother who lived in Denver was diagnosed with terminal cancer--also in November my son was diagnosed with avascular necrosis which calls for major surgery to keep from having a hip replaced (he's only 30 for god's sake!). Needless to say, I was a little distracted and had to spend time with my family. My son had his surgery scheduled for February--my brother died in January. Out of the kindness and compassion of that nonprofit's heart they waited until the day after I returned from my brother's funeral to fire me. Seems my brother's illness and death and my son's upcoming surgery was a little too inconvenient for the driver of that SUV. The books they publish on saving the large mammals don't extend to the mammals called human beings, I guess. I've been looking for work since January, all the while the $1600/mo. rent (!) has been chewing its way through my savings. Haven't found anything, savings almost gone, lease up end of June and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do or where I'll go, my career essentially down the porcelain bowl--but I'm getting out of here! Maybe poor, homeless, and bloody--BUT I'M LEAVING DC!! And for that--I'm thankful.
Keep up the good work, my friend. The only thought I have to leave you with is that it's occurred to me that if the terrorists *really* want to harm this country--the best thing they can do is leave DC intact.
And finally, a picture posted by a commenter (P.B.) that cheered me up, and for that I thank him.
Completely and utterly awesome.