Dirty Water

Excellent news! I'm leaving the DC-area! For the next three days, I will be drinking my cares away in lovely Boston, MA.

Actually, the friend I'm staying with lives a quarter of a mile outside of the city limits in Milton, MA. I know from the Bethesda-DC debate that Milton just can not be considered Boston. They're two totally different places.

Doesn't that read ridiculously? So, DC-purists, admit it. Admit that people from Bethesda and NoVa are just as qualified to love or hate DC as anyone within the DC borders. Case closed. You lose. I win.

Anyways, I will be travelling with "Toby" of Vividblurry fame and our mutual friend (and Toby's roommate), Ag. We fly in and out of two of America's most famed cities: Providence and Baltimore.

I can't really describe how excited I am. I am not a native-Bostonian, but I am a Masshole. I think Masshole is such an endearing term of affection. In Massachusetts, people are so much looser. The "yeah, dude" mentality is obnoxious, but it's basically a big joke. In DC, people treat everything, even their drinking, far too seriously. Enough of that. I don't need that mentality sullying my favorite holiday of the year. (Incidentally, I am Irish.)

Regardless of my hatred for DC, there is no reason why people shouldn't spend every single Saint Patrick's Day in either Boston, New York, Chicago, or Ireland. Even if I were living in a more tolerable city than DC (like Gary, Indiana, for example), I would still be making this trip.

Well, I hope you miss me. I will miss you from the bottom of my black heart. CHEERS.


  1. DCMASSHOLEMarch 16, 2006

    Uhm, you forgot Savannah. I know being from Massachusetts you would say what the fuck with that small shityass southern town in Georgia, but it has the second biggest celebration. I guess it was all those Irish Catholics that fought for the south and settled around there.



    GO CAPS!!!!!

  3. Masshole is the single most unoriginal title of all time. Every whore I dated from MA always proclaimed they were a Masshole. And when I say whore I mean any chick born in MA regardless of sexual actvity.

    I always wanted to ask a d-bag from MA this:
    Is Masshole like the "N" word? Can only other Massholes use it or you'll be considered racist or out of place? It'll never end up being used in a rap song.

  4. Lucky! Have a Guinness in memory of those of us stuck back here who have to make do.

  5. Dude, how funny. I just got fired yesterday from my job b/c DC assholes are way too update. I got fired for, essentially, embellishing drinking stories at a company-sponsored cocktail party and for telling a staff member that I stole a bottle of wine from the hotel bar after hours. Can you really get fired for that? For being a dork? Jesus.

    I might pack up and move to Seattle finally! Good luck in Boston and I'll be wearing my Red Sox hat wherever I go....

  6. You are more mongrel than Irish.

  7. DCmass -- there are two schools of thought as to the Irish population in Savannah. I've more commonly heard that Sherman recruited a sizable population of Irish immigrants out of Brooklyn. When Savannah surrendered and after the war eneded, they looked around, decided it was a heck of a lot nicer than NY and stayed around.

    I couldn't tell you which is more accurate.

    Check it out - a post from me where I'm not antagonizing anyone!!!


  8. Tommy GunsMarch 17, 2006

    I love the argument from "true" DC residents that Arlington and Alexandria are just not DC and how they will "not cross the river." AS if DC were some fucking metropolis.

    Some of these people also refuse to use cars which is equally funny considering DC is a village that would get old in 10 days. Hmm...I'll take the red line to Woodley Park yet again. Man, I can even walk to Whole Foods!

    If that's your definition of a life, i.e., going to Adams Morgan every Friday night and eating lunch at Cosi every day because you dont have a car to take you out of this hole then fuck you.

  9. The end of another week in this Southern fried city that can't handle winter. Its culture will never change; it will have blacks and whites at loggerheads forever. You can't admire a city that elected Marion Barry four times.

  10. Have a great trip and don't forget the lobster!
    ....and thanks for the fish

  11. DC lacks a significant history of immigration, b/c as a bureaucratic rather than industrial city it never had the need to import entire laboring populations a la New York or Pittsburgh. So it lacks the rich and polyglot favor of New York's many communities. The closest thing to a stamp for this town is Southern, which nobody lucky enough to grow up elsewhere wants. All the more reason to despise this boring town full of white collars. And yes, I am a white collar.

  12. Having just spent St. Patrick's Day in New York, I can't recommend spending the day there. It was just miserable from morning til last call. Stick with Boston.

  13. St. Patrick's Day is not a real holiday - just an excuse for losers with nothing better to do to get together and drink themselves stupid. Anyone lame enough that he has to travel all the way to Boston to have a good time on this useless "holiday" should just fucking stay there. Stupid Masshole.

  14. I was in Boston all weekend. It's fun to be a jerk tourist in someone else's town for a change, especially now that the cherry blossoms are blooming and all the idiots are here.

  15. I stand by MD and NoVa peopel not counting. That's like me judging NY just because I go there twice a month. So, you trek here to work everyday. Big whoop! Odds are that your views are really only restricted to downtown DC. You should qualify your statements by saying I hate such and such part of DC because the cuty itself is far too different from section to section to lump it all together.

    I will say that acting as if we can't share space within our cities is pretty dumb. It takes 10 minutes to go into Arlington by car and 20 or less by train. You're damn straight that I'll be heading to their Target and taking advantage of the restaurants and stores.