3.27.2006

Good Riddance

This may be old news to everyone, but it is new(s) to me. Washington will be getting a little more tolerable in a week as the M Street nightclub of the damned, Lulu's Club Mardi Gras, will be closing. Forever.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS.

Of course, there is now a chance that Lulu's clientele may descend upon one of my favorite bars demanding to grind to the latest jams from 50 Cent and Bon Jovi. While drinking Bug Lights (girls) or Coronas (boys). And wearing stupid pink bracelets that indicate they paid a stupid cover. That would be horrible.

I'm willing to take that chance. These people may be very nice as individuals. They could be caring, generous, kind, funny, etc. But, when they travel in packs they are insufferable. As they all find their new bars, let's hope that their separation from that douchebag black hole on 22nd and M turns them into new and better people.

And yes, I know, it's obnoxious to lump everyone into groups for the purpose of mocking them. I know it's not fair. If this bothers you as a Lulu's patron, I'm sorry. But, if you drink at Lulu's, why should I give you the benefit of the doubt?

31 comments:

  1. YAY! I used to live right across from Lulu's on New Hampshire, and "douchebag black hole" is the best term I've ever heard to describe that pit.

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  2. We're gonna WOW ya!

    -Crystal Koons

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  3. Seriously anonymous,

    I can totally see Crystal Koons getting slutty at Lulus

    Douchebag black hole indeed. Only thing worse are the pretensious pricks at the Ritz Carlton across the street.

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  4. Have you ever notice how insufferable D.C. hipsters get off on how
    Wonderland, Raven, and Pharmacy Bar are such great dive bars. While all are perfectly good drinking establishments, it is like, jesus fucking christ, your shitty city has like three decent dive bars. congrats. go to chicago where basically there is a bar like wonderland on every street corner.

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  5. I bet Krystal Koons goes there.

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  6. DCsux-VAisWorseMarch 28, 2006

    I can't wait to move back to NYC....i thought this town would be good change of pace, but that only lasted a year....it's soo boring, a working-city visited by midwestern hicks and surrounded by podunk hillbillies....i've never seen someone actually own a pickup truck in a semi-urban area....what's up with that....

    oh, my point....bottom line, LuLu's and all the bars in/around DC should be firebombed (any reference to any firebombings is uninentional)....with the patrons inside....then rebuild...

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  7. thank god

    i work in the office building above lulus, nothing pissed me off more than the 6 block long line full of GW morons and people trying to blend in with GW morons for St. Patrick's day.

    Blackie's is closing, too though. Too bad, good steak.

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  8. Krystal KoonsMarch 28, 2006

    No one can be trendy by living in DC. It's impossible.

    MAN, I walk to Whole foods and frequent U Street establishments.

    SMELL ME.

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  9. I am so goddamn trendy that I actually worked at a Whole Foods for 18 months. My street credibility skyrocketed.

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  10. PIRATE JACK TACKMarch 28, 2006

    ARGH SAYS THE PIRATE

    SHIVER ME TIMBERS I FUCKING HATE WHOLE FOODS.

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  11. Has this site ever covered the propriety of a blogger who putatively hates DC but lives in Bethesda? Isn't kind of a credibility thing?

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  12. PIRATE JACK TACKMarch 28, 2006

    ARGGGHHH THE OLD YOU DONT LIVE IN DC SO HOW CAN U BITCH ABOUT IT ARGUMENT STRIKES ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN.

    ARGH SAYS THE PIRATE> ARGH

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  13. Malcontent,

    I refer you to My March 1st and March 8th posts in regards to Bethesda.

    And, really, what lacks more credibility? Being a DC-hater who is temporarily in Bethesda or being a gay Republican?

    Let's just say that both options are equally lame...

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  14. The ENTIRE reason southern Maryland and northern Virginia exists is because Washington, DC, is the seat of the federal government--the capital of the empire. That's why they call a metropolitan AREA and have interconnected bus and rail and private vehicle transportation, for Christ sake. Only nerds would quibble about political and tax jurisdictions. The character is the same.

    And only a New Yorker could call this fourth largest metropolitan area of the country a podunk town. God bless you. For a while I got caught up in it. I get my hair cut on U Street, I listen to my mp3 player on the subway, visit starbucks twice a day, exercise at the best heterosexual gym and... yes, Whole Foods always struck me as someplace where you might bump into someone sexy. Lots of leering there.....

    Peace out.

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  15. Rusty: I'm not a gay Republican. There goes that uninformed comment.

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  16. Malcontent,

    Sorry, my sources said "gay republican." If you're not, then sorry for the slander.

    Bethesda still counts as DC though.

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  17. My guess is your source is "Toby," whom I've never met, but I have never once said I am a Republican on my site. I've worked with and for Republicans in the past, but I'm more comfortable describing myself in ideological terms, and I am not currently registered with any party.

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  18. On the DC thing, my point, which I was sort of trying to make in good humor, is that the 'burbs are a far cry from living in DC proper. I lived in NoVa for 8 years and in DC for 2. While I can't say I "hate" DC, I can say that actually living in the city gave me previously unknown things to bitch about.

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  19. nova blowsMarch 28, 2006

    Hey Malcontent,

    I've never eaten a shit sandwich. Does that mean I can't hate them?

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  20. Of course you can hate them, but your position would be less informed than that of someone who had actually taken a bite of said sandwich.

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  21. Malcontent,

    My gay Republican barb was in good humor too. Please do not take offense.

    Anyways, I had lived in DC for four years. I have lived in Bethesda for two months. So, I have taken a bite out of the shit sandwich that is Washington.

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  22. Far from being "informed," I would say that the person who actually took a bite of the shit sandwich is something more like "vastly stupid."

    And, malcontent, could you possibly sound more like you have the word WONK in cast iron letters shoved up your ass? Jeezy Creezy.

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  23. Augh, Malcontent is seriously the most tired blogger evs.

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  24. Yes! I am so close to starting my first blog clusterfuck. This is exciting!

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  25. Malcontent insisting he's not a republican? Christ. Read any post of his (that isn't something he's just swiped off his DVR) and see where the credibility meter points...

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  26. Blogger war! Rar!

    *piles on*

    Dan, you need some lovin. mmph mmph mmph

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  27. Aww, I love all of ya' -- even the shit-eaters.

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  28. Umm, Mal? Still got a little on your chin there. There ya go.

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  29. Dear anonymous,

    Nice work - Rusty takes a topic everyone agrees on -- something everyone sees as an example of life in DC getting better - and you find an excuse to whine at all the mean hipsters in town. Please, let me get you a tissue.

    While I'll spare you the list of good dive bars you forgot to mention (I'll agree there aren't many), I will remind you that if "dive bars per capita" was the yardstick by which cool towns were measured, Pittsburgh would probably be the greatest city on earth.

    It's not.

    It's not even the greatest city in Pennsylvania. (I think it's somewhere between Scranton and Harrisburg).

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  30. Oh, March 29th anonymous, why don't you take your sad little internet persona over to Polly's, where you can hang out with the rest of the DCist yuppies. I know you were too snooty to return to whatever shitty ass suburb you crawled out of, but you knew deep in your heart you couldn't hack it in New York or Chicago. So all you little boring ass d.c. yuppies can sit around and pretend like you like in a great urban environment. You don't. Your shitty little city is a fucking joke.

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  31. I'd never been to Lulu's but I heard that had good beer specials. You should have given flyers to every obnoxious kid you saw heading into your favorite bar. Now you must suffer their arrogant and obnoxious jokes and lack of ability to keep from spilling beer on your nice outfit.

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