Dear Fellow Metro Rider,
Boy, the train was crowded today, wasn't it? I mean, really packed full. You were pretty lucky to get a seat!
And, look at that, you actually got two seats. I see you decided that your bag and jacket needed a rest too. Those inanimate objects sure look comfortable on that plush Metro seat. You are surrounded by people staring at you, but you don't want to inconvenience the jacket. Got it.
And some of the people are older too! Not senior citizens, but definitely in their 50s. They probably need the seat more than your bag. Don't 50-year-olds have creaky knees and backs? Whatever. And some of the people are women. I don't want to be old-fashioned and suggest that women depend on male chivalry, but it's awfully polite to give a woman your seat, don't you think?
No, you don't think that. Those two seats are all yours. Why should you give up your hard-earned seats?
Here's why. Because not giving up at least one, one!, of your two seats makes you a motherfucking asshole. I honestly think that Hitler would have given up his seat for Eva Braun. I would never call someone "worse than Hitler," but you're certainly more impolite. And I honestly hope you die.
Fuck your mother, suck my dick, and die in a fire,