Can't See the Forest for the Trees

It's been a morning that has featured a near girl-fight on the Metro and a biker flipping over his handlebars on 19th Street. I've definitely been kept on my toes. But instead of discussing Metro etiquette or proper bicycle technique, I'd like to share an anecdote revolving around my usual Sunday activities.

Most Sundays I make the hike down to the Clyde's in Chevy Chase, MD. The atmosphere is kind of shitty and the drinks are expensive, but they do offer a $5 menu featuring a delicious bacon chicken sandwich. Oh yeah, they show a bunch of football games too. And, most importantly, it's within walking distance from my humble residence. In conclusion, hurray for Clyde's.

Yesterday I made the short hike with a roommate. A few college buddies, all Patriots fans, met me there. We gorged on buffalo wings and ice cold Bass ales while watching our New England Patriots destroy the hapless Buffalo Bills.

My roommate had little interest in the Patriots. He was born and raised in DC, so he hates my blog. Actually, he doesn't read this. But I know he hates the idea of it. More importantly for this story, my roommate lives and dies by the R***kins. When a fellow R***kins fan called him up to make arrangements for their 4:15 game against the Colts, he took a walk around the bar. His travels took him past a tree on a staircase. After his telephone conversation came to a close, he tapped me on the shoulder.

"See that tree over there?"

"Um, yeah?"

"There are drugs in it."


I decided to inspect this magical tree. Indeed, underneath some woodchips, laid a little yellow dime bag of marijuana.

"That's not really something you see everyday," I appropriately muttered.

I couldn't just leave drugs out for a pre-teen to find. So, I did what any self-respecting concerned citizen would do. I pocketed it.

After about five minutes of lawless possession, I started to get a little antsy. What if someone left that bag there as a trap? What if security cameras saw me take the pot from the plant? What if someone laced it with cyanide? What if I'm hit by a car and the police find me with a ridiculously small amount of drugs?

If you can't tell, I'm really not that experienced with danger, lawlessness, or drugs.

I decided it would be funny to announce our find to the bartenders. I mean, finding pot in a restaurant. That's funny, right?

I gave the drugs to a bar manager. He did exactly what I expected him to do. He placed it in his shirt pocket never to be seen again. For the rest of the afternoon, drinks were on the house. Boy did I take him up on that.

My head hurts. Yay for drinking on a school night!

Does this have anything to do with DC hating? Not really. But what's the point of having a blog if you can't share stories, no, priceless memories, such as these?

Is there a moral to the story? Uh, exchanging illegal drugs for legal drugs is super-awesome? Can that be a moral?


  1. stop being a sanctimonius dork and just type "Redksins" already.

  2. Wow, it's like a cooler version of the presents Boo Radley left Jem and Scout in their tree...

    and that's the story of the nerdiest sentence ever.

  3. whenever i hear "dimebag" i think of the dimebag guy from pantera. not much to this story but RIP to his corpse and your pot. should have smoked it.. no hangovers! magic!!

  4. Ronja, you make a good point re hangovers. But $40 of free alcohol is certainly better than $10 of free (cyanide-laced?) pot. Right?

  5. Lucky mofo. Why doesn't that ever happen to me? If you were in Anacostia, it would have been crack. But instead of being under woodchips, it would have been under a dead homeless guy. DC giveth, and DC taketh away.

  6. this defied the law of averages in your life. when life gives you dimebags, make..yourself high. actually this makes no sense. you're right.

  7. Oh, man... $10 of bud in exchange for $40 of drinks... hmmmm... Not bad, but I think I'd've kept half for myself. The bartender would've probably still helped you out on your tab. And you could've gotten blitzed at least one good time.

  8. Wow, that's a sweet find. I knew a girl in college who, when she refreshed her supply, would break it up into bowl-sized portions and hide them throughout her room. She was constantly forgetting about them (she smoked A LOT) and finding these little gifts in random places such as her sock drawer.

  9. I can't believe you didn't keep it for yourself.

    By the way, you gorge ON something. You don't gorge UPON it.

    --Snark Attack

  10. HRH King Friday XIII, have you ever even been to SE? I'm willing to put money on there being at least four homeless guys in NW for every one you find in SE. Now, dead guys we've got--increasingly these days... But that's nothing I'll joke about...

  11. Actually, I did two 4-hour police ride-alongs in Anacosita and one in NW. On both SE patrols we responded to calls invovling a man laying on the street barely alive among other wonderful things including robery, attempted robbery, a near fatal car chase, a missing child, and a stabbing. We encountered countless number of homeless people too. In NW we broke up one disoerderly and didn't deal with one cracked out homeless guy all night.

    I beleive Anacostia is in worse shape than NW.

  12. When this blog gets forwarded to the bartender's boss I bet you will no longer be treated so well.

  13. It was the bar manager's second to last day.

  14. I didnt read ur post. but love the title! good job! this is the most boring city in the world! as my friend from London said, " Your capital is not even a city it's a TOWN"! can anything be done about this? is there hope?

  15. HRH King Friday XIII, as a DC cabbie who drives at night all over the place , I can tell you that homeless people migrate to NW for a safer heaven, I have never seen a homeless person sleeping on the street os Anacostia SE, the chances are he/she will never wake up alive!

    Rusty, you better put my dime bag back where you found them!

  16. More to hate about DC. Throw the bums out:

    --MD-Sen: Michael Steele
    --VA-Sen: George Allen
    --VA-10: Frank Wolf

  17. great now the Clyde's bar tender is fired. Thanks you idiot! Cant spell R******s but cleary types out C-l-y-d-e-s. A- Hole!

  18. Patriots suck.

    RedSox and Celtics suck.

    Bruins are alarmingly sucky.

    BC sucks enormous arse.

    (Go BU.)

  19. On two separate Sundays I have seen a sack of weed stuck to the door of the convenience store near my house. I've always been too freaked out to take it, or to mention it to the store owners. Maybe there's a Sunday weed fairy going around the city.

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