I Hate Congress

And not because of old men trying to diddle teenage boys. I'm from Gerry Studds's district, I can handle that sort of thing*. I'm steamed at Congress because, for the first time that I can remember, Congress has dramatically affected my life for the worse. They have voted to ban online gambling. My days of playing (and losing at) online poker appear to be over.

Not all gambling of course. There are exceptions for horse racing, lotteries, and fantasy sports. Why those three exceptions? I have no idea. If Internet gambling really is the "crack-cocaine of gambling," why continue to support three types of gutter glitter? If this legislation is meant to prevent compulsive gamblers from pissing away their savings accounts, it will end in miserable failure. Isn't that why they're called compulsive gamblers? They'll gamble on anything. Blackjack, Roulette, horsies, or balls with numbers on them being popped out of Internet tubes.

I've read that this law was designed as red-meat legislation for socially conservative voters who consider gambling a sin. I don't completely buy that. There are quite a few Democrats who voted for the original legislation. Including, wouldn't you know it, Senatorial candidate Benjamin Cardin (D-MD). He's in quite the dogfight with Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele (R-obvs)!

Now, I think that taking back the Senate is of the utmost importance. Maryland is one of only two states where the Democrats have to play defense. A Cardin victory is very, very important. So, Maryland voters, even if you think this anti-gambling legislation is complete bullshit, vote for Cardin anyways. But please give his office a call. Here's his contact information. Even if you're not a Maryland resident, give him a call and just lie about where you live. If they ask, just pretend you're from Bethesda (20814) or Silver Spring (20910).

Hey, Northern Virginia! You're not off the hook yet. Representative Jim Moran (D-VA) voted for this ban too. You know what to do. Here's his contact information.

I know the relationship between Internet gambling and hating Washington is tenuous/non-existent. But, to my credit, I am actually trying to make a difference instead of just complaining. I am really going to miss losing $60 a week over the Internet. It's a passion of mine. And these fucktards on Capitol Hill are playing parent and taking that away from me.

Once this stupid ban goes in effect, please feel free to e-mail me and invite me to your low/mid-stakes poker games. I promise I'm not that good. I'll even bring beer.

*By the way, disgraced Congressman Mark Foley voted against the Internet gambling ban. So he's not all that bad!


  1. Rusty, give me your credit card number and I'll emulate an online casino for you. Might take care of those withdrawl symptoms you're having. ;)

  2. Isn't internet gambling technically illegal now?

    I mean, I know the companies that run these sites are located overseas so the bill won't affect them anyway. However, I was under the impression that gambling on these sites while in the US is illegal. I just figured there was no way to enforce it.

    Can someone please clarify?

  3. Ok. American based Internet gambling is illegal. But that doesn't prevent me from using Party Poker which is located in (seriously) Gibraltar.

    This bill makes it illegal for credit card companies and banks to transfer funds to online casinos. So, there's no way for me to deposit any cash into a casino fund.

  4. Sounds like it's time for a trip to VBV! (Vegas Baby Vegas) I'm going this Jan. Can't wait to befuddle all the big men when I sit down at the blackjack table with them.

  5. Rusty's cute butt bouncing in the air...

  6. There is hope! It appears that outlawing online gambling violates the US agreements with the WTO. We better get a Democrat in office soon.

    You can sign the petition on my site