We're Number 353!

Recently, some outfit called Morgan Quitno Press used FBI figures to determine the safest cities in America. Out of 371 cities, Washington finished 353rd. About 95% of American cities are safer than Washington. I'm actually surprised we broke the top 360.

To be fair we beat our rivals in Richmond (357th) and Baltimore (360th). What a poor showing from the cities in our area. Invest in mace.


  1. Be sure that if you invest in mace, you register it with your local police station. Because it's the fucking law.

  2. It's those Gallaudette vigilanties. They keep us safe while we sleep. Deaf people can sneak up on criminals in the dead at night, completely undetected, and protest them to death.

  3. Funny thing. I stopped carrying my mace and collapsible police baton as soon as I moved from DC to Virginia.

    People started getting out of MY way. I was like, Schwaaaaah?

    Invest in Virginia.