10.17.2006

Dear Douchebag,

Congratulations on making that 5:40pm train at the Dupont Metro station. Well done! Of course, I would call the decision to just stand by the doors once you got on the train a wee bit unorthodox. I mean, it wasn't a full train. You could have moved to the center of the car like the nice, soothing Metro voice suggested. That would have made more sense.

Because maybe, just maybe, I was right behind you also trying to get on the train. And your decision to just stand there playing with yourself made it so that I got smacked by the closing doors. My attache case got stuck in the doors too. So, I basically looked like a jackass. The King of All Jackasses. I hope you enjoyed the death stare I gave you to return the favor. Dumbass.

40 comments:

  1. Douche On TrainOctober 17, 2006

    I'm sorry, Rusty. It's not your fault my ex-wife is insane.

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  2. As someone who likes to stand near the doors instead of sit, why don't you quit being a whiney little baby and just say something?

    Then, no one will have to worry about you scuffing your bag, and you might actually prove that you're a man who can stand up for himself, as opposed to someone who just just flames random people on a blog.

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  3. I said "Excuse Me" when I heard the door chimes but it was too little too late.

    I also like standing near the doors. I especially like leaning on the plexiglass by the doors. But, guess what, if someone's behind you, I would argue that's pretty inconsiderate and worthy of a flaming. Next time I'll just shove him.

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  4. You could do what I usually do which is to say "excuse me!' in an elevated, irritated voice. or you could have swung that attache case into his knees!

    Ugh - if you want to stand next to the doors...be the last person to get on the train!

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  5. I hate that guy too. And the guy who forces his way through people leaving the train. But the joke's on him. I got my revenge when I dressed up like a clown and killed his family.

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  6. Jet ScreamerOctober 17, 2006

    I almost ended up plowing a woman down about a year ago...she did the exact same thing, took her sweetass time getting in, and then coming to a full stop just inside the door (and the driver kept the doors open for all of like 5 seconds). There's a special place in Hell for these people, right next to the douches that decide they need to lean on the center pole to stretch out and read the Post on an armpit-to-armpit crowded train.

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  7. I fucking those ass holes! My friend and I were boarding a red line train at Gallery Place and we almost got into a fistfight with this ass hole who stopped right in front the door. That frat boy punk got pissy because we told to move his ass.

    There was plenty of room in the car by the way.

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  8. attache case? LOL.

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  9. I got my revenge when I dressed up like a clown and killed his family.

    King, I appreciate the sentiment, but you missed the mark as far as wit goes. Better luck next time, son.

    Rusty, I don't know why you WOULDN'T have at least bumped him. Don't assault him but there are grey areas. Go for one side while warning him and then just knock him out of the way. You're too nice. I'm always looking around me to see what's going on and can't imagine that kind of an attitude.

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  10. Expect a clown to vist you very soon, Mr. Anonymous.

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  11. the metro has a voracious appetite. you may escape with your life, but the escalator shall make hors d'oevre of your loafer and the door shall dine on your attache *muahaha*
    my advice? travel with a spray bottle hidden in your coat filled with water. when jerkoff x stops right in the way "sneeze" on him. you shouldnt have to pull that more than once or twice before some concerned party starts screaming *SARS* and you've suddenly got more room than you know what to do with. trust me.

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  12. maybe he wasn't a douchebag, just a guy who was unaware of his surroundings.

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  13. It was me. You should have pushed a little. We could have had a good time.

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  14. I don't want to fucking here it. I was locked into an awkward and violent embrace with an elderly man on the subway this evening. Jesus.

    The clowns are coming.

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  15. you have an attache case? You don't even have a car. what goes in there? Your peanut butter and jealous sandwhich and copy of your Washington Metro Express? Your ipod? Your feminime products? Your hairbrush?

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  16. "peanut butter and jealous sandwhich."

    my bad.

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  17. I've had my attache since I was in 10th grade! It carries a Post, an umbrella, and other important documents.

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  18. important documents? LOL.

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  19. Ted Kennedy's LiverOctober 18, 2006

    Hey Ruster, do you also put your copy of Ted Kennedy's "I am a Fat Drunken Murderer yet Still the Yahoos from Massachussets Love Me!" in that attache?

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  20. ted's dead, babyOctober 18, 2006

    important documents?

    --democrat party membership card
    --yahoo directions to 9:30 club (walking not driving)
    --picture of mommy and daddy
    --picture of pretend girlfriend
    --burrito wrapper

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  21. "granted, my hits are down" (from a previous post):

    maybe that's because your blog sucks?

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  22. ted's dead baby's comment made me LOL.

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  23. I swear I have a real girlfriend. She goes to college out of state so she's always to busy to visit. Why doesn't anyone blieve me??

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  24. Rusty, you sound like the guy w/ the girlfriend who lives in "Canada," wherever that is.

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  25. My original fake college girlfriend was going to be Canadian, but that would be a direct ripoff of an Onion article instead of a more subtle tribute.

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  26. Rusty, I was indeed thinking of that article!

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  27. rustoleum,

    you turn me on. i want to fuck you in the ass and cum on your face. i'm sure you would like that. better yet, let me shoot my nut nectar down your throat you pillow biting faggot. you're mother's a whore. you're sister sucks dog cocks on a stage in tijuana, and your dad likes little boys to shit in his mouth.

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  28. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration there, son....

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  29. rusty, i think it's time for you to step down and pass on the torch. give the audience to some new blood.

    I challenge you to start a contest to take over your blood....

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  30. Just CuriousOctober 18, 2006

    If it happens again, just jump onto the train and bump him. He probably won't have the nerve to say anything (just as you were a little shy to say anything to him), and if he did, you could just smile and say nicely "Oh I'm sorry, my fault, I thought you realized that there were others behind you trying to get on without being decapitated by the Metro door... because I know that you wouldn't just stop in the doorway if you knew the doors were still open, because I mean [insert small laugh] that would just be, you know, really stupid"

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  31. your girlfriend is still in college? jesus christ, how young are you?

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  32. Ted Kennedy's LiverOctober 19, 2006

    Hey Matt,

    Get a new photo before casting aspersion, arse clown.

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  33. You all know what metro stations to attempt the attache to the knees and push a person out of your way on metro numbers. I don't advise that on every metro. Spoiled brats!

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  34. yeah, don't do that on any part of the green line and on a good portion of the orange and blue. Totally safe to do that anywhere in NoVA though (pussies) and on a good portion of the red line (except in NE).

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  35. Rusty, don't be a pussy! It's time for you to learn how to defend yourself! So what your boyfriend, ooops sorry! your girlfriend is in college, there is nothing wrong that.

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  36. Hey my name is Matt and I'm a toolshed.

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  37. To all you rusty bashers (all three of you who log in under 500 differnt user names): shut the fuck up. read a different blog.

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  38. Yep, DC indeed sux ass

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  39. I love DC Cabbie.

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  40. I'm sick of all the negroes on the metro who walk like snails.

    I saw one the other day smoking on the escalator! I'm sure there is a plantation somewhere that needs workers.

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