So this guy I work with who sometimes hangs out in my office really, really loves puns. Way too much.
I happen to hate puns. Puns are the lowest form of humor, I say. This guy disagrees; says that they're actually the highest form of humor, and that mockery and making fun of people is the lowest form.
Obviously, I disagree. What a stupid fucking half-wit.
Fortunately, my brother taught me the best way to deal with puns: always treat them completely literally. This defuses the pun, and, most importantly, makes other people feel the discomfort that they have foisted upon you.
Examples from today:
[My office mate pulls out a Mag Lite flashlight to work on his computer]
Punster: Gee, good thing that's not a Mag "Heavy."
Me: What are you talking about? It's called a Mag Lite. As in flashlight. You've got the meanings of the words confused.
[Later, talking about software cycles]
Punster: There's only one person who's not several cycles behind.
Me [anticipating pun]: Who's that?
Punster: Lance Armstrong.
Me: What? That makes no sense. Lance Armstrong is a cyclist; he rides a bicycle for a living. We're talking about a different type of cycle entirely. You've got the meanings of the words confused.
[Punster leaves office in frazzled, confused state... mission accomplished.]