The newsprint version of Blipverts

Oh, what to do, what to do? The Post is losing circulation despite a growing Washington population, ostensibly because it can't capture that oh-so-elusive 18-to-34 demographic.

The solution? Create the retardedest tabloid possible and give it away free. It's all 20-to-60 word stories that are a day old anyway. I think publishing a daily tabloid in Washington is a good idea, if it would add competition and give people something easier to read on the Metro. But the Post must not think much of 18-to-34s if this is what they give us.

When you're a young newspaper reporter, you have to pay your dues by working in crappy little towns at crappy little papers for years before breaking into a big, respectable paper like the Post. As a result, the writers and editors at the Post are very old. They have little idea what young people would be interested in. Instead, we get treated to columns like Bob Levey's "The Funniest T-Shirts of 2003" (part two, no less):

"People Like You Are the Reason People Like Me Need Medication" -- Andrew Fuller.

"My Inner Child Is an Honor Roll Student" -- Debbie FitzSimonds of Shady Side.

"Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word" -- Peter Tannenwald of Northwest Washington.

"Two Rights Do Not Make a Wrong. They Make an Airplane" -- an e-mailer who asks to remain anonymous.

"Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic" -- Steve Duggan.
I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely busting a fucking nut over here.

So good luck, Post. You'll need it, seeing as how all your young readers are belong to me! Muuuuu-ha ha ha!