DC Sports: Lame

If you really hate sports or long entries, you may want to skip this post.

After work tonight, I headed straight to the MCI, er, Verizon Center for the Celtics-Wizards game. Since I'm from Massachusetts and I, according to this URL, hate DC, you shouldn't have to ask who I was rooting for.

And, indeed, the Celtics won in dramatic fashion. A great 27-9-5 from the pride of Waterbury, CT, Ryan Gomes, was an awesome thing to watch.

Well, enough of the reverie. On with the negativity!

The DC sports scene is so pathetic that it makes me yearn for even the evil sports capitol of the world: New York. I'll break this down sport-by-sport.

Baseball: Washington Nationals.
2006 Prognosis: Very bad. No owner. Two second basemen. Only three starting pitchers. And, most importantly, a publicly funded stadium/easy profit for Major League Baseball owners. Again, and I can't stress this enough, if you think the $611 spending cap is good for DC, you might just be an idiot.

THERE WAS NOWHERE FOR MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TO GO!!! MLB is trying to move the Nationals and the Marlins? Really? Where? Portland? San Antonio? New Orleans? HA. And the MLB, which currently owns the Nationals, would not make nearly as much money selling the San Antonio Alamos as they would for a team in the Metro area. They were never going to leave unless it was to Northern Virginia. And that would have been hunky-dory by me. Because, you know what, Northern Virginia, for all intents and purposes, is Washington. We had all of the leverage.

$611 million! I will keep writing about this because it is insane. Insane. And, I know it's a business tax. It's also utility taxes. Enjoy paying extra for heat, poor people. Good thing no one else needs this money!

Football: Washington R****ns.
2006 Prognosis: Very bad. I don't know if you're following the NFL labor issues very closely. Probably not. Anyways, there's a great chance that the salary cap in football won't increase in 2006. If that happens, Washington may be unable, no matter who they cut or what they do, to get under the cap. That is so very, very bad. This is mismanagement at it's finest ladies and gentlemen. As many as 20 of their 53 players could be rookies. If 40% of your office were interns, the place would fall apart, wouldn't it?

Also, this team name is obviously so racist that it boggles the mind. That point has been made by many people, so I won't bore you with it anymore.

Basketball: Washington Wizards
2006 Prognosis: Kind of bad. The team is a middle-of-the-road .500 team in an inferior conference. They'll make the playoffs and lose in either the first or second round. Whatever.

But, here's what gets to me. The game I went to tonight. That game went to overtime. And what happened between the end of regulation and overtime? Hundreds of people left the arena to get home early. It was only 9:30pm, and Washingtonians were running out of the stadium during the most exciting part of an exciting game. Wizard fans are passionless. Shame on them.

And I have never been to a quieter arena in my life. The Black Cat gets louder than the Verizon Center during games. That's sick, and not "sick" in the slang way that means "cool."

Hockey: Washington Capitals
2006 Prognosis: Whatever. They suck now but have an exciting rookie whose name is too damn Russian for me to try to spell accurately. Of course, hockey is no longer an American sport. Sorry. No one cares.

Soccer: DC United
2006 Prognosis: Whatever. They're the best ever Major League Soccer team and they have the future of American soccer, Freddy Adu, on their roster. Unfortunately, no one in America cares about soccer either.

I honestly think Washington, DC is the worst sports city in the country. I really do. Our only team that's ever been good (in a sport that matters) is the one with the mismanaged roster and the racism stamped on their helmet. Its teams reek of inaptitude. Honestly, what city is worse than Washington? Name one four sport city that's worse. Fine, three sport cities count too.

Just to be fair, props to DC college basketball this year. DC has two good teams in George Washington and Georgetown. It's really a shame that they are also two of the most overrated teams in the country, but don't be bothered with that. When they both lose in the second round of the NCAA tournament, we can be proud to call them our own!


  1. it's pointless for anyone from Mass to discuss the redskins name as racist. in fact, anything involving racism and sports should be off limits. the redskins are a name, not a public sentiment. from blowing the chance to acquire willie mayes to the public never embracing the talent of bill russell, the sports fans of boston have demonstrated their racism time and again. earn some credibility you jerkoff

  2. Metro is broke. How many times have we heard that? Well relief is in sight. The Feds are giving $20 million for Metro upgrades. WOO HOO!!!! But wait - it's to accomodate a playground for a bunch of overpaid, spoiled rotten, steriod enhanced fuckwads. So once again, our government has given the proverbial middle finger to the Northern VA commuter. Fuck you, commuter!!!! We don't give a rat's fucking ass about you! But we'll happily give money for Major League Baseball!

    OMG this place sucks.

  3. Off the top of my head?
    Los Angeles

    Los Angeles couldn't hold onto two NFL teams and probably have the worst fan reputation (leave early to beat traffic) in sports. Philadelphia hasn't won a major sports championship since 1983 and the fans even boo Santa Claus. Except for Kirby Puckett (RIP) and the Twins, Minneapolis represents for sport inepitude.

    Look, we get it. Boston sports are great, everywhere else sucks. Give Bill Simmons his shtick back and start complaining about Metro or traffic or political wonky crap.

  4. Seriously. The Red Sox were one of the last teams in baseball to accept black players on their roster. So I wouldn't talk about either roster mismanagement or racism. Maybe if they'd been more progressive (c'mon, Massachusetts!), they'd have won a World Series sooner . . .

    And I'll throw Atlanta on that list of crappy four sport towns. The Braves win constantly, with, what, 14 straight pennants. So much so that the fans don't even bother to show up for the first round of the playoffs. The Hawks and the Thrashers are a joke. And the Falcons. Well. I think betting $100 millon on the legs of Michael Vick is going to come back to haunt them.

    One last thing! If NOVA is Washington, than give George Mason its due as well!

  5. How about Cleveland as a crappy sports town?

    Indians: extremely racist cartoon character mascot and no championships since 1954

    Cavaliers: never won a championship

    Browns: crappy since their reinception (f you, Modell). Never won a superbowl.

    DC probably doesn't event make the top 10 in bad sports cities.

  6. Ha, only time Northern Va is consider DC is when $$ is involved. Otherwise tell someone you live or are from NoVa they look at you like a leper and are invading territory. And its dumb that the only team doing well in DC is DC UNited and majority of the jerkoffs don't consider soccer a real sport....idiots.

  7. I would argue that Philly, Minn., and Cleveland are much better sports towns than Washington. Philly fans are nothing if not passionate. Minneapolis might as well be Cananda; hockey is their life there and they sell out every Minnesota Wild game there. Cleveland has both bad teams and a racist logo to its credit, but I doubt they leave overtime games to beat traffic.

    And, yes, the Red Sox were run by a bunch of racist owners until the early-1990s. It was shameful. But we have evolved from that. Washington has not.

  8. I live in DC and want nothing to do with GMU. Leave the cheap shot groin punchers where they are...

  9. While we're at it, Rusty, looking at the situation objectively, one could certainly surmise that your beloved Boston Celtics are fairly racist. Perhaps not on the level with the 'Skins, but their mascot is a leprachaun, which has long been used as a way to poke fun at the Irish culture. With a name like the Celtics, they could at least use a warrior or a Banshee or something. C'mon.

    And, come on! Minnesota? They barely hang on to their baseball team year in and year out. They LOST a their orginal NHL franchise, and the Vikings organization has been a mess for a long time. Don't even get me started on the T-Wolves. And if you don't think Cavaliers fans dip out a few minutes early, you're kidding yourself. It's the NBA. None of the games in March even matter, especially in a mediocre conference.

    Look, apart from last season, the Wizards have sucked for 25 years. It's damn hard to be passionate about them. Plus, Metro being what it is, I wouldn't be ashamed to duck out of a meaningless game against the Celtics to catch an elusive yellow line train home before the crowds . . .

    And listen, the mascot and name may be racist, but 'Skins fans are nothing if not passionate.

  10. DC sports are definitely SAD and the LAST thing DC needs is a baseball STADIUM to add more TRAFFIC to the already overly congested DC streets. In fact, sometimes they are so congested they are actually worthless and you might as well drive backwards.

    The stadium should be built in rick-people land like Reston or Dulles or Bethesda. Let them deal with all the added traffic. DC should be knocking DOWN buildings, not building new ones. OR, build roads. But you can't keep building, especially not stadiums, without fixing existing roads AND building new ones. It's really not rocket science.

  11. I'll gladly trade the Cardinals for your Redskins. At least people go to the games in DC. NO ONE goes to a Cards game (at least not on purpose.)

  12. Um, DC is not a great sports city because for most people, politics is our sport.

  13. You're forgetting ultimate frisbee.

    With the possible exception of San Francisco, DC is the best city in the world for that.

  14. Good sarcasm is that articulated with intelligence, using some factual content to support the derogitory slant. You do none of this. You're an idiot.

  15. AnonymousJune 06, 2009

    You sound like a little bitch. I'm from Pittsburgh, the BEST sports city, and for you to complain about the Redskins team name is just ridiculous. Dude, you sound like a liberal tree hugging little bitch. Let it go, it's a fucking team name loser! Now go suck Nobomas cock you little maggot.

  16. AnonymousJune 06, 2009

    You're a true fag and deserve to live in ultra lame DC.

  17. AnonymousJune 06, 2009

    And speaking of racism, DC/NoVA is VERY racist towards people, especially blacks. So who cares about the team name, it's a tradition.
    Under 30/white male from the City of Champions.