When my wife and I took my parents to see Georgetown and Alexandria last weekend, I couldn't throw a rock without hitting some idiot with his collar up, which was kind of a good thing, because I like throwing rocks. I don't know if this is a Washington-exclusive form of douchebaggery but I certainly don't wish it on any other city.
So, all you people out there in your pink polo shirts with the little green men-on-horses or your white polo shirts with your gigantic multi-colored men-on-horses on the left breast, listen up. But first a quick aside: Why the gigantic multi-colored horse? Were you worried that someone might see you and not notice a regular sized man-on-horse? Did it scare you that they might think you're not a douchebag? Anyway, if you are considering "popping" your collar (or even worse, half-popping it like a half-in-the-bag JJ Redick) please first refer to the following flow chart. It should help you make the right decision before you go out this weekend.
Special Thanks to Drew.
There was this dude who popped his collars at work in meetings with the boss. At first I thought, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Then I thought, what a fucking tool.
ReplyDeleteIt was a pink polo at that. Toolfuckingbox.
Oh shit, that's funny.
ReplyDeleteI could get used to this.
Haha, nice chart! But be nice to Rusty; it's like this is recess, and you're all the bully.
ReplyDeleteRusty doesn't need you to defend him, agatha.
ReplyDeleteWell, wait. Maybe he does, though, which would be pretty sad.
He's a big boy, in the big boy blogging world. I think he'll be fine.
The only thing worse than a popped collar is TWO popped collars. Seriously, is wearing TWO polos with the collars popped really that sexy?
ReplyDelete"I don't know if this is a Washington-exclusive form of douchebaggery but I certainly don't wish it on any other city."
ReplyDeleteIn Rusty's defense, this post is not a DC-centric problem, it's an everywhere problem.
You don't have to wish this form of douchebaggery on any other city, because it's been a problem in many other cities, including my residence, New York City, for quite some time. And of course, popped collars are pretty standard on any college campus. You could probably even find popped collars on Cape Cod.
But that being said, I'm enjoying the guest blogging so far. Keep up the good work!
You see, anonymous, this was one of JamesF's strengths. His writing was sharp and witty enough that even when it didn't directly relate to DC, it was still funny enough and related enough that it worked. Schuyler did a good job of that in this post.
ReplyDeleteRusty's writing just isn't as funny.
At LEAST sign up schuyler to be a recurring guest blogger.
Oh, and Schuyler, did you submit an essay to JamesF? If you did and you didn't win, well....that's a travesty.
Yes, James F. and Schuyler are MUCH funnier than me. My style is completely different and not as funny. (Though it does have its merits.)
ReplyDeleteI will never be James F. If that bothers you, you really shouldn't be reading.
It also should be noted that I've had this blog for six months now. When will the James comparisons end?
What merits?
ReplyDeleteI don't really know. But I've almost doubled my audience since taking over here, so I must be doing something right.
ReplyDeleteRusty, I thought you were taxing formerly today. Tax him!
ReplyDeleteRusty, people come to read me, not you.
ReplyDeleteyay Rusty!!! boo new guy!!!
ReplyDelete(not that i really hate this post or anything, but you all are way too mean to Rusty, who does a good job)
Also, blogging about how you hate popped collars at this point is kinda like a stand-up comedian talking about the differences between black people and white people, or how women love to shop. Though, that is true, women do love to shop.
I saw a man popping his collar in Georgetown last Sunday. Georgetown IS in fact the collar-popping capitol of the world.
ReplyDeleteI assumed he was gay but maybe i was wrong.
I can't tell you how humiliated I felt to discover that, hungover and barely functioning, I'd accidentally popped my collar and gone out in public one morning.
Another thing I hate are the layered solid-colored skirts that were big last spring but are still hanging around on some chicks. Stop it.
The gay mafia should come and happy-slap these people.
Formerly Anonymous, I certainly don't come here to see you. My friends are Krystal, Shithole and that other Douchaholic.
ReplyDeleteYou can go pop your cock, you collar sucker. Where's YOUR blog?
Diggin' the flowchart.
ReplyDeleteA couple nights ago, I spotted my very first popped collar/plaid shorts combo of the season. And it was pink.
anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI'm touched.
Is there not a t-shirt that mocks the toolhood of collar poppers? I think the flowchart should go on the back of a t-shirt. Or perhaps a diagram of how to fold your collar down in two easy steps. 1) Picture of person grasping collar. 2) Picture of collar turned down, with arrows to show direction collar moved. Subtitled with "How to do it" or "Put that shit down".
ReplyDeleteAnonymous #2, did you actually read this post, or did you just completely miss the point? Yes, talking about popped collars should be an old, hackneyed and overdone joke. Unfortunately, against all good sense, people are still doing it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you need to go to analogy school because this is nothing like talking about the differences between black people and white people. It's the huge sweeping, disingenuous generalizations that make those jokes stupid, not the fact that everyone says basically the same thing. Those jokes weren't even any good the first time they were told. It's the epitome of lazy joke telling.
Talking about popped collars is only the semi-epitome of lazy joke telling.
THANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteUmm can you please stay forever? I like Rusty's posts but I miss the old guy and your writing resembles the founder of this site. (Rusty - Please take no offense, but I can handle only so many Metro stories. It only seems that you hang out at 930 Club and on the Metro.)
ReplyDeleteI always just want to reach over and fix thier collars for them.
ReplyDeletenew guy - your entries here have been great - I'm really happy to have decided to come back to one of my old favs and see some truly fnny posts.
ReplyDeletethen I see that you are a temp. BOOOOO, anyway, I'll be around for as long as you are -
I also checked out your usual blog, also funny, but I honestly thing your stuff on this blog is better. Take this format and run with it please, either on your existing blog, or start another one
thanks
PS: Rusty stinks, and I'm sure his increased readership is due to his heavy networking at DC 'blogging events' which just cements the fact that he's the exact type of fucking douche that provides the fodder for most DC hating
>heavy networking at DC 'blogging events'
ReplyDeleteso gay