7.25.2006

The Ocean is Pretty

Hola, readers. I'm writing from the basement in my lakeside estate. Yes, I'm still in my pajamas. It should go without saying that I am having a wonderful time away from the grind of Washington. It's been four days since I've seen a laniard attached to a Congressional ID. For that, I am thankful. In fact, I'm in such a good mood that I can't bring myself to complain about Washington. Instead, I'll list a few things about DC that are in fact superior to Yarmouth, MA.

1. Public transportation. My home in Friendship Heights is less than a mile from two Metro stops. My office is less than a mile from three Metro stops. There's no reason for me to own a car. On Cape, things are a bit more difficult. Waiting for your little brother to get back from work so you can take his station wagon is a bit inconvenient. And when you can finally get a ride and go out, you end up stuck as the designated driver. Man, I miss the Metro. (Although the taxis here don't use a retarded zone system. That's a plus.)

2. Newspapers. Let's be honest here, The Washington Post is a great newspaper. The Cape Cod Times is not. Worst paper ever. It seems like they put a picture of a duck on every front page. Today's front-page story involved the destruction of a tugboat. Wicked boring. I would almost rather read The Washington Times. Almost.

3. Airport Tunnel Deaths. This happened in Boston, not Cape Cod, but major props to Washington for not killing anyone recently. It is God-damned impossible to drive to or from Logan Airport since the little Big Dig whoopsie. Driving to National was no problem. On that note, here's a handy resource for the different levels of tragedy:

Tragedy: A woman is killed when concrete falls from the ceiling of a tunnel and crushes her car.

TRAGEDY: The aforementioned death inconveniences me and forces me to take the T (Boston subway) to Braintree instead of getting a lift from a family member.

4. Coffee. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I miss Starbucks. I have spent my life bitching and moaning to anyone who would listen that Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla coffee is the greatest thing in the world. But D+D went corporate and stopped brewing flavored beans. Instead, they take the regular blend and add syrups. It's absolutely disgusting. The regular blend is bad enough, but adding marshmallow flavor shots really pushed D+D into the next tier of grossness. So, it's come to the point where I actually miss Starbucks. Ach. Admitting this publicly makes me hate myself a little.

So, I came up with four areas in which Washington is better than Yarmouth. Of course, all four are immediately cancelled out by the fact that I live a mile from this:


Guess where I'll be next sunset.

37 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    Dunkin Donuts regular coffee, cream and sugar, ownz all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, and D-D's Iced Coffee is better, and I think BEFORE, Starbuck's! Plus D-D has better donuts than Krispy Kreme, which is also behind Tim Hortons!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. this_shithole_sucks......really badJuly 26, 2006

    But is there a child molestor living next door to you in Yarmouth? I know how much you enjoy that.

    Starsucks sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. FranchiseGuyJuly 26, 2006

    Miss Starbucks? Don't worry - one will be opening up within a mile of you any minute now. ...and then one will open up across the street from that shortly thereafter.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    Rusty = Suck.

    Schuyler = JamesFtastic.

    Change the name of this blog to WhyILoveMassachusetts or just quit and give the job to someone who actually writes quality material. You're not getting it done, Rusty.

    ReplyDelete
  6. formerly anonymousJuly 26, 2006

    JamesF did a similar list on his departure....

    Is this a sign???

    Give me more Schuyler.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    I too am going throug Starbucks withdrawal because all we have here at work is a Dunkin Donuts. That scene looks beautiful. I just went on vacation in New England (not Massachusetts) and wish I was still there....

    August is an awful time of the year to be in D.C., isn't it? You just want to be kicking back....

    --Giant Douche

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    "I miss the Metro"
    WHAT??? I can no longer read this blog. You can't hate DC one minnute and then flip-flop to LIKING DC over MA.
    Save everyone's time by renaming the blog to "Why I Kind Of Sort Of Hate DC, But Not Really... Hey, Let's Talk About Massachusettes"

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    I can understand Rusty's perspective b/c it's only natural to have mixed feelings about just about everything in your life. I really want to get the hell out of here but I'm scared I'd miss it. It's grown on me in the last SEVEN years (including a year in Baltimore).

    If I don't watch it, I'll become one of THEM. I'll procreate and have children who are from HERE who will wear Nationals caps (instead of Red Sox). I'll be like the big duck with a bunch of little douches trailing behind....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 26, 2006

    Disappointing entry, Rust. First, I must take issue with your claim that you don't need a car in D.C. That is pure drivel. This "city" is so small that merely hopping around about it on the metro would get old in 2 days. How anyone can live here and not have a car is beyond me.

    Second, the Post is a great paper? Are you kidding me? Sure, I love reading about some stupid fucking bill in Congress on page 1 and reading about the rest of the world on page 20. Fuck that.

    Third, I take issue with your Massashutetts comparisons. No one here gives a shit about Cape fucking Cod rusty. Get over it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. this_shithole_sucksJuly 26, 2006

    I gotta agree with pimp on the Washington Post. I'm no fan of Bush, but I get really sick and fucking tired of the Bush bashing. That's all they do.

    The Abu Ghraib scandal made front page news every fucking day when it happened, but the punishment and what we actually did about it, was one or two small blurbs on page eighty fucking three.

    Great paper? Yeah, right.

    ReplyDelete
  12. this_shithole_sucksJuly 26, 2006

    If we took half the money people spent on the overpriced crap from Starsucks, we could cure both AIDS AND Cancer.

    Why anyone would spend that kind of money on a cup of coffee is beyond me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    Coffee that is better than Starbucks: 1) Murky, 2) Sparky's, 3) Bob & Edith's, 4) dude, old tar tastes better than Starbucks. You obviously don't even know anything about DC, which means you can't adequately hate it. Bring back Schuyler.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    I find Rusty's hard-on for Massachusetts perfectly acceptable because it makes his hatred of Washington D.C. relatively stronger.

    Here's to Rusty's erect penis!

    ReplyDelete
  15. seven-year itchJuly 26, 2006

    Rusty's safe from a Starbucks grand opening if he's in a place with not so many people. Starbucks hates rural.
    No donuts are better than Krispy Kreme. Never. No way. That is way bigger blasphemy than anything for or against the Bux.

    ReplyDelete
  16. this_shithole (and Starbucks)_suckJuly 26, 2006

    I turned my coffee pot off one day in the office, after it had sat for about six hours and burnt the coffee. I forgot to clean it and went on a trip for a month. When I returned, I desperately needed a hit to combat my jetlag. After mixing the mold that had accumulated on the top into the mixture, and popping it in the microwave for a minute. Fortunately the microwave killed the maggots, and the flies floating in it were long dead anyway. Kind of reminded me of the orange juice my girlfriend buys me with the extra pulp. But in the end, it tasted ten times better than Starsucks. And it was cheaper.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 26, 2006

    I'll repeat the refrain for you un-teachable rifraf. Starbucks charges so much because it pays a decent price for its beans to farmers in developing countries and because it spends more on health care for its workers than on actual coffee beans. That means that I don't feel as bad paying the price.

    You think the Donut Dunkers get health insurance?

    Next issue, dammit.

    ReplyDelete
  18. this_shithole_sucksJuly 26, 2006

    I don't give a rat's ass about health insurance for Donut Dunkers, or paying decent wages to people in developing countries. What I care about is getting a decent cup of coffee for a decent price.

    It's all about me, you know.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 26, 2006

    You're a great American, Sean Hannity.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    And Krystal is like Keith Oberman....

    --Douche

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    And Krystal is like Keith Oberman....

    --Douche

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    Hmmm, a guy w/ a six-figure salary won't pay $1.96 for a venti coffee (which is actually more like 2 1/2 cups of coffee) and prefers to drink bacteria-laden coffee weeks old....

    He probably buys the pulpless organge juice because he thinks it's cheaper. Lighten up, miser!

    ReplyDelete
  23. this_shithole_sucksJuly 26, 2006

    Dude, it's a freaking joke. I don't drink Starsucks coffee because I don't like it. The fact that it is expensive just adds to my reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 26, 2006

    And Krystal is like Keith Oberman....

    --Douche

    So brilliant that you wrote it twice! Thanks anonymous douchehole.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    No, the computer f-ed up, you moron. Oh my god, you can't even take a compliment.

    Or maybe you can. Maybe that's just your way. What's wrong w/ you? I can imagine you affectionately referring to your beloved grandma as "Old Bag Of Douches."

    You're insulting my intelligence? You're the one who came up w/ that lame rejoinder to my comment about the border rotary a while ago. Now, THAT was brilliant!

    --Douche

    ReplyDelete
  26. rusty.
    i totally understand your thing about the metro. i was in boston last weekend and their "T" fucking sucks. it stops at like 12/12:30am on SATURDAY NIGHT. what the eff?

    the tracks there are also level with the platform, so drunk dudes wander down the tunnels to urinate. a train driver had to stop the train to yell at two guys who were peeing on the tracks and blocking her path.

    ...idiots.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 26, 2006

    You're insulting my intelligence? You're the one who came up w/ that lame rejoinder to my comment about the border rotary a while ago. Now, THAT was brilliant!

    Cant remember that. It must have been groundbreaking.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    ...but I try to keep it light.

    ReplyDelete
  29. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    "Can't remember it must have been groundbreaking."

    The only reason I remember is because you had such a hissyfit you must have posted 10 times that day. Ohmygod, the world of managing projects must require such diversions!

    I'll give you the advice some old lady gave me on the Metro when I bumped her, "Get fucked!"

    I'm serious, that just happened! Ha. godblessdc

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    Krystal,

    If I could meet your girlfriend, I'd totally buy her anything she wanted at Starbucks. Hahahaha!

    What's that noise? The sound of your chops being busted....

    ReplyDelete
  31. Russ hasn't chimed in with his typical lame self-defense. He must be on vacation.

    I second Koons. Nobody gives a flying fuck about Cape Cod. Really. Seriously. If that place were any whiter it would be clear. Us here in Chocolate City don't care about your whiteness relaxation quotient.

    PS- Lanyard, Russ, Lanyard.

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    I THOUGHT i was right, dude. It is lanyard w/ a y! Ha.

    P.S. I think you're treading on the young boys' club here (krystal's our token). We don't care about your chocalatocity!

    I don't feel guilty. My people have to live SOMEWHERE. I don't hate you, don't hate me.

    --Douche

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    scuse me. I meant young white boys' club....

    don't be hatin' on me.... (by the way, i grew up in a population that was 99.6% white and the .4 was "miscellaneous, not black.) Yet, I don't hate you and even appreciate your culture. Actually, I like southern blacks better. Big fan of crunk. What do you have here?

    Nothing like going to a club down south as the only white guy (protected by my black friends) w/ crunk you lamo chocolate city fiends haven't even heard yet.

    Don't get a big head. D.C. is NOT the African American homeland you think it is....

    ReplyDelete
  34. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    P.P.S. I'm married to Britney Spears.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I can't believe I have to respond to this nonsense.

    1. You don't like me writing about Cape Cod? Well, tough. I already warned you five days in advance that I would be writing a post or two during my vacation.

    2. Whoever is correcting my spelling of "laniard" is an asshole. I wasn't sure so I doublechecked on dictionary.com and there it was: L-A-N-I-A-R-D

    3. I still hate Metro. I also hate being a designated driver.

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousJuly 29, 2006

    Take the T from logan. why drive in boston?

    ReplyDelete
  37. starbucks is better than dunkin donuts? YOU DIDN'T.

    ReplyDelete