Are You This Guy?

I hate seeing dudes on the metro that give all us other twenty-something white guys a bad rep. Everybody thinks we're all d'bags, and it's because of people like the guy I saw the other day.

First, I noticed him because he poked me in the face with his jumbo-sized magazine. You know the ones. They look like a regular magazine except they are glossier and about 50% wider for no apparent reason. I thought to myself "what a jerk. I bet he's reading GQ or some other idiotic man-mag." I get a peek at the cover and, even worse, it's Details. I know that you're thinking “nothing could be a stupider magazine than GQ.” Well, you're wrong.

With my initial suspicions about this guy confirmed, I decided to check him out. Not in a gay way. So I see that he's wearing a nice crisp white shirt with no tie. He probably took his tie off before getting on the train so he could look "laid back." Actually, I do the same thing, so I can't fault him for that. The problems started below the waist. He was wearing:

  • Black, pleated suit pants

  • A brown belt.

  • Light brown leather and canvas flip flops.

  • Talk about a major fashion faux pas. Black and brown? Duuuuude. Plus, pleats? Don't they tell you not to wear pleated pants in Details? I guess not. But the piece de resistance of the whole outfit was his footwear. I don't even have a comment about those.

    So, with every bad stereotype of late 20-something Washington white guy rolled up in one package, I just looked at him and wanted to punch him the throat. But I didn't. Then the train got to Cleveland Park. I got off and headed up the escalators.

    As I exited the station, I thought about that guy and how he was really just another person trying to make his way in the world. I decided that I hoped he was at least a better Christian than I am. That he was more charitable than I am.

    Because then he would've turned his other cheek and I could've punched him again.


    1. AnonymousJuly 23, 2006

      Oh, boy. I'm not that douche but I AM the late twenties white guy in D.C.

      I wear pleated wool dress pants and have a black ipod nano and one of those black leather brief cases w/ the shoulder strap. I read the Express in the morning and then read my non-oversized magazine on the return ride.

      I wonder what new immigrants think of us, the ethnic group that walks around all day w/ a big ass cup of coffee (their family members pick the beans b/c we Americans demand only the very finest!)....

      But I gotta agree w/ you about the footwear. Brotherman needs to get slapped by the gay mafia.

    2. AnonymousJuly 23, 2006

      But what about the LTWGDC (late twenties white guy in D.C.) who tries to hard to be fashionable. You know, the guayabera shirt or the popped collar?

      And what about women's fashion? Should unattractive late twenties white women be permitted to wear flip-flops? Some of these chicks, especially the shorter ones, desperately need people in the Middle East and Europe to send an aid shipment of used stillettos....

      And enough w/ the solid-colored layered skirts--that's so 2005.

    3. AnonymousJuly 23, 2006

      I agree that wearing flip-flops with dress pants is ridiculious but how do you feel about flip-flops in general? In casual situations I think there acceptable.

    4. AnonymousJuly 23, 2006

      I don't care what fashion rules I'm breaking - you will not catch me in a metro station (or anywhere else, for that matter) in stilletos. Human feet were not meant to stay in that position for more than 5 seconds.

    5. He must have just picked up that Details by chance, b/c I wouldn't think anyone that has read more than 3 issues would dress like that!!! I should know, I'm a late 20 something white dude that has had a subscription for years, haha.

      Pleats are so out, but more importantly, flipflops or sandals are only for the beach or a backyard bbq, never to or fro work. Besides, who'd want their feet exposed to Metro "carpet".

    6. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      Can someone please delete that racist crap above?

    7. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      I know I've read this passage somewhere else before. Did Shuyler write this for another blog before, or is it plagiarism? Anyone know?

    8. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      His own blog. Definitely not plagiarism. That's vintage Schuyler, all the way.

    9. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006


      Hey, I make commments ABOUT race but don't appreciate that kind of language either.

      I certainly don't agree w/ that.

    10. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      Yes, in casual I think flip flops are great (less so with dress pants). And don't get me wrong (I was the first two posts), I like seeing women's feet. That's a good thing! Just some heels would be even better, know what I mean?

    11. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      I think you just lost your audience.

    12. Ahhh the great flip flips debate. See I'm on the fence about that because if you're going to do the switch from dress shoes to something more comfy for your commute, being semi-barefoot beats the whole solid bright white sneakers with skirt hands down. I think everyone should do their part to "keep America beautiful" and that is why I don't wear short shorts.

    13. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      As a mid-twenties woman who travels the metro twice a day, I wear flip flops for my 2 hours worth of commuting because I'm in heels and on my feet for the other 8-12 hours at work. I'd rather save my legs the strain and look like an idiot then have knee problems at 45. And who really cares what poeple on the train at 8:00am look like.

    14. legal droneJuly 24, 2006

      I don't know about you, but where I work (dupontish law firm) pleated pants are de rigeur...flats are for drinking after work.

    15. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      i always remove my tie on the metro because it's 10000 degrees in those stupid cars.

    16. But the ultimate question is, "is he the same flip-flop wearing, iPod-listening, Details-reading, tieless douchebag who slams the door on me and my kid's stroller as he exits the supermarket on his way home?

      Because that is the worst kind.

    17. mike roseJuly 24, 2006

      I don't like you very much, Schuyler, and I'll tell you why. First of all, on your first entry on WIHDC you came out making fun of Rusty, which I just think is mean and kinda lame, considering he gave you the chance to write for a very popular blog for a week. Then, you shot down my comparison of your collar-popping entry to stand-ups making jokes about race, because you think that stand-ups making black vs. white jokes are stupid for a different reason than sheer overuse. I guess that's also a legitimate complaint against that genre of humor, but the point remains that those kinda jokes are hackneyed, just like your post. I know, I know- the "whole point," of your post was to mention that this whole collar-popping thing has been going on so long we shouldn't have to even talk about it. But you didn't write a post about how it's trite to talk about people popping their collars; you wrote about people popping their collars. Formally recognizing that your subject matter has been played out doesn't negate your re-tread, just like it doesn't help to say, "no offense," before you tell someone that they're ugly. Anyway, I was ready to give you another chance, and I actually thought that this latest post was kind of funny, until another commenter alerted us that you were pulling a John Fogerty, recycling an entry from your old blog and trying to pass it off as an original one for WIHDC. Now, if you had said something like, "this is from my old blog, but I think it still applies," I would have cut you a break, because I can see how you'd want to use your time here at WIHDC to its fullest by trying to put your best material forward, but there was no such disclaimer! And, this was directly after a post that started off commenting how easy it was to find anti-DC material to rant about. (Also, if you want to call me out on my John Fogerty analogy you can try, but the only difference that I can think of was that John Fogerty only slightly re-used a guitar part from his old band, while you completely used an entire old post, and tried to pass it off as new.) Long live Rusty!

    18. this_shithole_sucksJuly 24, 2006

      Who the fuck can afford to be fashion conscious living here? I wear what I can afford to work, regardless of whether or not it is last year's fashion.

      Along with being able to pee standing up, it is one of the many joys of being a man.

    19. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 24, 2006

      joys of being a man? i have to wear a monkey suit and a fucking tie around my neck every day, while the women get away with wearing fucking sweat pants and sneakers. Smurf that!

    20. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      for once i agree with shithole.

    21. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      Apparently, shithole works as a janitor at some government office, and i"m really surprised that krystal has a semi-good job.

      Btw, I look my best at 8 a.m. toots. From there, it's downhill....

    22. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      pleats are inexcusable

    23. AnonymousJuly 24, 2006

      I'm a guy who just started in his late 20's (turned 27 a week ago, woo!). You'll find me going to work in black (solid/striped/etc), slim fit, straight legged, non-pleated slacks, a starched and pressed collared shirt, black shoes and belt. Cell phone clipped to belt. Key cards clipped to belt. Yes, I am Commander Corporate Tool. I look like 10,000 other schlubs on their way to work everyday, trying to make it big, or just make it by.

      But you'll never see me wander into douchebag territory. I have my values. People dressed for work wearing popped collars, Tumi message bags, and/or "funky" shoes deserve a good cock punching.

    24. this_shithole_sucksJuly 25, 2006

      Actually, I'm a Project Manager and make six figures.

      But I have a question. First of all, I'm a self-admitted fashion dumbass. But pleats? Aren't they those little foldy thingy's at the top of the pants, just below the beltline? If so, how are these such a fashion faux pas? I wear Dockers and a tie to the office every day. Is this unacceptable? If so, since when are Dockers not allowed to be worn?

    25. redraiderdcJuly 25, 2006

      DOCKERS!!?!?!?!? AND SIX FIGURES!?!?!?!?! You're not a man, you're just stupid.

    26. this_shithole_sucksJuly 25, 2006


      Dood, you gotta be more specific. Am I stupid because I make six figures, or am I stupid because I wear Dockers? Or are people that make six figures simply not allowed to wear Dockers????

    27. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      This blog has become pure shite. It's amazing you mock these preppy types and yet it's so damn obvious you're one of them.

      When you stick to commentary on DC news or politics, this thing shines. Sadly, however, more and more it looks like you guys really are better off just kicking back at happy hour at the Herpes Triangle (the Mst bars you pretend to hate) and pretending that you're so much cooler than that. This blog is coming off of my bookmarks immediately.

    28. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      You don't want to wear pleated pants because they make you look wider than you really are. Plus, my great-aunt swears by them. I think Dockers make flat-front. You can afford to switch out the pleats.

    29. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006


      I'm not impressed w/ the six figures. I'm ALMOST there. There are plenty of dumbasses making good money and brilliant people making crap--that's what this country is all about.

      And, other dude, go ahead and flake off. This blog sucks when people just make facile topical comments on politics. i was more fascinated by the fact that a project manager doesn't know what pleats are.

      And screw hipsters. I'm sick of them. Smoking Camels at the gym....

    30. this_shithole_sucksJuly 25, 2006


      I wasn't trying to impress anyone -- just defending myself against the asshole who claimed I was a janitor.

      You have just achieved a new level of douchedom.

    31. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      You know, for a guy w/ a six-figure salary, you'd think you'd have a bit more class.

      On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate my doucherocity?

    32. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      I want to hear about the style and social aspects. i couldn't care less what you clowns think about national/international politics. Local is okay, though....

      --The Douchiest Douche That Ever Douched A Douche

    33. this_shithole_sucksJuly 25, 2006

      Your douchitude ranks at about 8.5

    34. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 25, 2006

      Where is Schuyler? Is he strumming the ole ukelele again?

    35. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      For my funeral, I will be burried in a giant douchebag. Then lit on fire.

    36. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      I know, Krystal, what a lazy blogger. if I only had this audience I'd be the biggest douchebag in town. And that's saying something.

    37. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 25, 2006

      washington is full of turdnecks.

      What really infuriates me is when a helicopter flies by and every fat corn-bred turdneck from nebraska stares in astonishment as if it's the second coming. no, it's fucking dubya.

    38. So, um, are you going to update?

    39. AnonymousJuly 25, 2006

      "You know, when Rusty first asked me to do a little guest writing in his absence, I was worried. What if I can’t find anything to write about next week, I thought."

      I guess he ran out of things to write about.

    40. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)July 25, 2006

      his ukelele broke so he can't write.

    41. Okay, several things.

      1. Yes, I wrote this first for my other blog. I apologize. I should have mentioned that. That being said, however, I'm wondering why anyone knows it, since I don't know why anyone would read my other blog because it kind of sucks. Anyway, I apologize for the oversight. I thought it would be fun to have a post on Sunday. I actually asked Rusty if he would mind a rehash and he said "no." So, while I was within my rights as a writer for this blog, I should have had more respect for you, the readers of Rusty's blog.

      2. The deal with Rusty was for three or four posts, not every day. Just be patient. I have a actual job, you know.

      3. I'm probably a jackass, too.

      4. I don't know how I feel about flip-flops.

      5. Sorry, Mr. Rose, but I don't know what to say. Please come back when Rusty starts writing again. I don't want to ruin what he has going here.

      6. Krystal, it is a toy guitar. I don't want to have to tell you again.

    42. having grown up in DC, and having been fortunate enough to leave, I get it. I get that DC needs the occasional "give up yet?"-style hint from, say, anywhere else in the world. so, on flipflops, there is no debate because the answer to this riddleless riddle is FUCK no, hell no. . .no, no. never. girls, guys. douchebags reading Details . .please stop. now.
      real cities

    43. having grown up in DC, and having been fortunate enough to leave, I get it. I get that DC needs the occasional "give up yet?"-style hint from, say, anywhere else in the world. so, on flipflops, there is no debate because the answer to this riddleless riddle is FUCK no, hell no. . .no, no. never. girls, guys. douchebags reading Details . .please stop. now.
      real cities