More Homeless Women

I spent the early part of my Saturday night watching television in my luxurious home in Friendship Heights. My roommate was entertaining a guest on our porch. I heard screaming. The roommate and friend rushed into the house to tell me that a homeless woman was in front of our house and yelling at passers-by.

Indeed, there was an elderly woman with two shopping carts and a skirt that looked like it had been found in the dumpster behind a Wet Seal in front of my house. If anyone went near her carts she would screech "Gettttt Awayyyyyy!" at a volume usually reserved for rape whistles. The situation was exacerbated by her sluggish pace. It's one thing for an elderly crazy type to be slow, but this one was actually doubling back. She would take one cart 20 yards, stop, go back to retrieve cart #2, double back, and then go back again to retrieve whatever fell out of her carts on the long journey. This woman took over 15 minutes to make it down our very small block.

Naturally, a few of my roommates and the aforementioned guest went out to the porch to gawk. I mean, wouldn't you do the same?

The crazy homeless lady did not hesitate to tell me I was full of "dirty, filthy rot" and that I had to "get out; you don't own the place anyways." Although she was right, I'm only a renter, I didn't feel the need to abandon my suburban fortress. From there, she warned me of the many demons hiding in the weeds of our treebox.

By the time she was in front of our local cafe, she had screamed "Get Away!" a dozen more times and threatened to hit an older neighbor with a folded-up chair. Suffice to say, her addition to the neighborhood was very unwelcome. We just got rid of the last obscene homeless lady. Why replace her with one that actually threatens violence?

I know every city in the world has problems with the homeless. I also understand that ignoring the problem doesn't do anyone any good. As much as I hate making eye contact with someone asking me for spare change, I understand that the problem is there and it's not going away.

For me to admit that much, I think it would do the pro-DC crowd a lot of good to admit that the homelessness problem in Washington is drastic. According to Wikipedia, for every 100 DC residents, there's one homeless person. That's double the rate of New York City.

I'm sick of it. I shouldn't have to be yelled at on my porch by some gray-haired crazy lady in a miniskirt and I shouldn't have to apologize to people asking me for change when I'm fresh out of quarters.

Where am I going with all this? Well, I finally admitted to myself that I may be in DC for a while. So I registered to vote down here. As much as I will miss voting for murderers, it's time to move on. So, goodbye Congressional representation and hello 2006 mayoral/Ward 3 elections!

My primary concern as a voter isn't education, transportation, or how to properly apologize for assfucking taxpayers to the tune of $611,000,000. No, my primary concern is homelessness. I know there's no easy fix, but something must be done. If I'm having such a problem with it, I can only imagine how the people on the street feel.

So, um, who should I vote for? All advice appreciated.