Instead, Wonkette decided to do that for me. My excuse is that they're paid to come up with this crap, but I admit I really dropped the ball there.
Thankfully, I'm still a member of LNS despite never having been to Smith Point. It turns out it's on my busline. Who knew?
As a member, I get weekly newsletters. The most recent one had an invitation. I present to you this invitation in full thanks to the almighty power of copy-and-paste:
LateNightShots and Smith Point will be hosting a party at Wisconsin & O [Smith Point] next Tuesday at 8PM until closing. Attendees can either celebrate their victory, drown their sorrows, or just head straight to the dance floor and worry about their employment situation in the morning. No entry fee. DJ will be playing. We hope to see you there.
The salient details appear to be that this is cover-free and open to everyone. So, I ask my fellow readers to attend this event so we can ruin it for these rich motherfuckers. You can tell which one of the douchebags I am by my boat shoes. That should narrow it down.
Seriously, what's an Election Day without some party-crashing hijinx. This will be fun.
Also, as an added bonus, the invitation features a picture of three potential hook-ups for all you single ladies out there: