Neighborhood Tomfoolery

Saturday night I found myself having a pretty crappy time. Yeah, I was in Georgetown. Instead of spending another $150 like last time, I decided to call it a night early. I took a cab back to my place in Friendship Heights.

The next door neighbors were having a party of their own. I guess it would be more accurately described as a pre-party since a bunch of guys were spilling out of the door trying to grab the cab I was getting out of. These guys, save for one wearing a Navy Wrestling shirt, were all wearing Georgetown gear. So they wanted to go to Rhino bar. I sensed an unnaturally high level of douche in the air.

My suspicions were confirmed when another pack of douche canoes came storming out of the neighbor's house. They were yelling. One of them punched a Georgetown kid in the face. Those two started going at it.

I was right there. Literally, right there. I decided to do my part to break up this ridiculousness. And, yes, I'm aware that this is exactly how Chris Chambers got stabbed in the neck.

My part was woefully inadequate. By the time I got to the fray the fight had erupted into a ten person brawl in the fast food parking lot across the street. I really had no business being within a hundred feet of these morons. It was nothing but haymakers and people yelling "faggot" at each other. One of the Georgetown guys saw me, a face he didn't recognize, and immediately dropped into a fighting stance while screaming "WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?" I just threw up my hands and took a few steps back. I scuttled back to my house.

Finally, the aggressors (from my vantage point anyways) took off in a car as the Georgetown four and the Navy wrestler chased after it. By the time they got back to my neighbor's, there were three police cars waiting outside with their sirens on. I got to watch all that fun from my porch. The cops were outside for a good two hours.

I am immensely disappointed that Georgetown douchebags were able to infiltrate my neighborhood. What does one do to fix this? Call an exterminator?

Hyper-aggressive males are certainly not unique to Washington. I'm just pissed that I had to deal with them outside of my own house. If I were ok with these asshats I would have moved back to the dorms.


  1. Rusty,

    And you thought UMD Terp fans were douche turds?

    I will take a riot on Route 1 in College Park any day over those trust-fund pricks at G'Town acting all supa' macho.

  2. Douche CanoeApril 02, 2007

    Meth Heads - they'd just finished buggering each other before the mood swing set in.

  3. i would have pepper-sprayed all of them. not out of fear, or to break up the fight for their own safety, but just to entertain myself with the gags, heaves and tears.

    thank god georgetown lost. go bucs!

  4. Do you really think there is a difference between Georgetown and Friendship Heights. Please. Get over yourself.

  5. Are you kidding me? You're out of your mind.


  6. The last time I partied in Georgetown I went to a bar that had way too many young men wearing tight, shiny, button-down dress shirts--untucked, of course.

    Also, a lot of hair gel.

    Some guy bumped me and I threw him against the wall.

    I think... it's a disease that you can catch. It's communicable. I try to avoid those any such douche vectors....

  7. Chris Chambers....you rock my world, Rusty.

  8. "Douche canoe" goes into the hall of fame with "Fucktard*" and "Twatwaffle." Nice one, Rusty.

    *Can substitute "Smacktard" if you are shy or in front of your grandmother.

  9. There is a dc voting rights poll up on daily kos. Go get your taxation-without-representation-outrage on: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/4/2/121016/5622

  10. i'm not sure who all these people are. i went to georgetown, and lived in glover park for a while, and i used to see the roving hoards as well. however, i never actually saw these people on campus. i'm going to assume they were all in the undergraduate business school.

  11. I live near Gallaudet.
    I don't have any Georgetown fools.
    I just have to deal with a bunch of really loud drunk deaf kids making retard sounds all the time.
    You want to trade?

  12. AU brats are just as drunken and dumb, they just stay confined to their quarters.

  13. Its good to be rich and go to a private school and then never having to worry about money in your life ... AU grad for life, fuck if Rusty went there, he was never one of us

  14. I love being a Douche

  15. Georgetown U students...Rich kid douches who have brains but no social life. Power-hungry ass holes.

    GW students...Rich kids from NY/NJ with few brain cells functioning after many drinking binges in DC bars. Daddy would be proud that his kid gets shit-faced through school on $30,000 per year in tuition. I have yet to meet a sober GW student.

    AU Students...Rich foreign kids who have dead brain cells, period. The biggest idiots go to AU. My toes and fingers together add up to more IQ points than your typical AU undergrad. They don't teach thinking at AU.

    Catholic U. Students...Butt ugly co-eds who pray the rosary too much. I have yet to see one hottie from Catholic U. Maybe I should go to anti-abortion rallies to find some. Christ, I feel bad for guys who go to Catholic U. because their right hand is the best thing going there.

    Gallaudet U. Students...At least they are quiet douche bags. But Jesus Christ, I feel sorry for the school administrators at that place. Deaf Power is scary shit.

    UDC Students...Wait, UDC is a real school?

    In sum...
    Georgetown students are greedy, power-hungry fucks.

    GW Students are complete alcoholics.

    AU Students are just plain fucking stupid.

    Catholic U. Girls are fugly.

    Gallaudet Kids have way too many issues with the world.

    They all suck in my book.

  16. there may be no hotties at cua.
    there are, however, dirty catholic sluts, and honestly, what more does LSS need than that?

  17. First of all, a guy with the name "Rusty" couldn't lick his own lips, let alone fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Is your brother's name "Dwayne?" I find it hard to believe that you just walked into the melee and walked out unscathed. More likely, you scurried back to your apartment to dry your wet pussy. That douche smell is coming off of yourself. God, you're a wipe.

  18. "Douce canoe"? Seriously, I think I love you.

  19. To be fair, I stole that term from a friend.

  20. unrelated...April 03, 2007

    So, I'm reading an article about the HPV vaccine in the Post Health section this morning when I come to this sentence:

    "Some assume that hookup partners who can afford popped-collar shirts and expensive jeans are not the kind of guys who would be infected."

    Wtf? Who can't afford popped-collar shirts? Who the fuck wrote this? One guess ...

    Seriously. Why is the Post still paying this women?

  21. Unrelated,

    I just posted about the story. You have my thanks.

  22. I'm just impressed that you got to the end of the article. I threw down my "health" section in contempt the moment I read that sentence.

    Oh and correction: I meant "woman" not "women" ... though I'm sure someone could make a convincing argument that this LSS person is really just five Washington Post interns.

  23. Douche canoe?

    Damn - that's awesome.

    What'd be more awesome if if you could use "douche canoe" and "fuckwit" in the same sentence.....

  24. Rusty, you're mighty quiet about all those righteous AU students getting themselves arrested this week. Don't be elitist; if you're gonna go after jughead frat boys and collar poppers, you should also take it to the nose ring and dreadlocks crowd. Especially if you share the same academic pedigree.

  25. Field Hockey rules!