12.23.2008

Die, Maryland Drivers, Die!

Maryland drivers. God is punishing you.
A massive water main rupture this morning flooded River Road in Cabin John [near Bethesda, Maryland] with four feet of rapidly swirling water -- trapping motorists, blocking a major commuter artery and leading to the dramatic helicopter of a woman and a child from one of the vehicles.

About 12 to 15 vehicles became enveloped in this wall of water.

Words cannot describe how fantastically awesome this is, so here's a picture:










Most major cable news outlets as well as local television news stations are covering this live. Get to a TV now. It sure makes for some fine viewing fun.

People of Maryland, heed this as a warning. Learn how to drive or face God's road rage wrath.

18 comments:

  1. I wonder why some of them just waited in their cars instead of wading through the water.

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  2. Well Rob, it was 14 degrees outside and the water was 4-5 feet deep. I drive through there to go to work. It's an issue of how do you want to die.

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  3. Better to die trying than begging in a flooded car. But yes, pictures = highly amusing.

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  4. I lived in DC for six years.
    Never got in a car accident.
    I moved to Maryland and 3 weeks later I backed into a parked car in a parking lot.
    So yeah, I can no longer drive.
    Maybe its something in the water.

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  5. Ah yes, the old "Maryland drivers suck" joke. Just like the "Virginia drivers suck" theory, the "New Jersey Drivers suck" idea, the "Massachusets Drivers suck" saying, ect. Just what state is universally recognized as having good drivers? I've been all over this country, and have not once heard praise for a certain region's driving reputation. Here's the deal: everyone everywhere thinks the other guy is an idiot. Just admit that you wanted to laugh at people stuck in a flood.

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  6. On that Anonymous note:
    1.) It's common knowledge that New Mexico is primarily known for being the state with the most gentlemanly of drivers. Fact.
    2.) Maryland can do no wrong, let's not lie to ourselves.
    3.) Virginia drivers are far worse than Maryland drivers. You know, because they're busy playing the banjo or fucking their cousins and the like while they drive.

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  7. Haha, NM having polite drivers is a "fact"? Sounds very scientific...

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  8. Maryland DriverDecember 23, 2008

    I lease a Mercedes that's more expensive than my rent, and haven't bothered to learn how to work the turn signal. I wear my Bluetoof earpiece and call into sports talk radio to berate the hosts while I drive. If the left lane is open you can count on me blocking it while yelling into said Bluetoof about Sean Taylor. If there is an on-ramp coming up, I will do my best to get in the far right lane while traveling at full speed and refusing to accommodate merging cars. Once I get to FedEx Field, I sing "Hail to old DC" as part of the Redskins song without any sense of irony. Even if someone told me that the lyrics used to be "Hail to old Dixie" I would fail to understand what that meant and resume yelling something about Sean Taylor in the men's bathroom.

    I am the worst person in America.

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  9. I have to say, I'm not beholden to any particular area of the DC Metro, but recently it seems that every time someone pisses me off on the road, there is a MD License Plate involved. Last night, I'm pulling onto my street in the Kalorama neighborhood and find a nice gentleman in a forerunner trying to parallel park... and he looked completely baffeled that the car was going in reverse. Yep, MD Plate there!

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  10. I think a major problem with Maryland drivers is that Maryland side of the DC area is like suburban sprawl wonderland and they are not used to these magical creatures called "pedestrians" with their futuristic "crosswalks" that yield them the "right of way." 65% of the time I get cut off crossing the street in DC, it is an MD driver. 20-25% of the time it's VA. And the rest, it's either some corporate lawyer type or a ghetto cruiser from DC.

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  11. Marylanders drive like they're late for a job interview. Virginians drive like grandma, DC? What's the stereotype for DC?

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  12. "I get cut off crossing the street in DC, it is an MD driver. 20-25% of the time it's VA. And the rest, it's either some corporate lawyer type or a ghetto cruiser from DC."

    There is more than one reason for this;

    First, MD and DC share the same land mass. It is MUCH easier to drive into and out of DC from MD. So naturally you are going to see more cars in DC from MD than from VA.

    Second, DC is predominantly a black city. PG county in MD is predominantly a black county. Old-time DC folks have been migrating to PG county for a couple of generations now. They come back to DC to work, play, attend church, and deal drugs via their cars with MD plates on them.

    (I've had a black guy in a car with MD plates pull up outside my house in DC while I was working in the front yard and "welcome" me "to the neighborhood". And no, he doesn't live on my block)

    Third, if you feel threatened by cars with MD plates when you're trying to walk across the street, it probably means you're white, the driver is black, and cracker-ass mutherfockers like you don't belong in DC.

    Hey, I'm not making this up, I'm just sharing what I know to be true.

    Fuck Maryland. I hate the place only because of the way Marylanders treat DC and its residents.

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  13. I moved to DC from Illinois, I spent some time in college near Iowa. If I thought the old fucks in Iowa couldn't drive...LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE D.M.V....

    I tend to think I'm a pretty cautious driver in my GTO..I mean it will be a collectable some day; there were only three years of the car made. Within my first week of being here, at 3 in the morning, I was hit by a Maryland semi!

    Virginian's aren't off the hook either, these drivers will nose dive in front of you, then turn their signal on after they've entered your lane, and proceed to slam on their brakes!

    DC drivers, just wait until I slam into the back of your car as you're double parked on U street...

    I absolutely hate this area. To me, the glamour, the night life, the people...this shit's not worth the 32k I've put into my car; I'm getting the hell out!

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  15. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011

    Maryland drivers suck the absolute worst! It's just not around the big cities either. Actually the further you are from a major city in Maryland, the brain cells of drivers deteriorate at much faster levels leading to a much more insane & out right moronic drivers. Never have I lived in a state where lunacy was the norm on roads.

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  16. If you replaced each and every Maryland driver with a steroidal, hyper-aggressive spider monkey, it would make the roads safer and easier to navigate. It's truly incredible what self absorbed, self important, aggressive assholes these people are. I've driven in nearly every state in the Union...I recently drove in LA during rush hour; it was so much easier to drive there, I had to laugh. Yeah, it's funny, except for those of us who have to live in Maryland every effing day.

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  17. Moved here about 3 years ago. Will be moving back to my hometown in barely over a year. Can't wait. Maryland has to be the worst place I have ever visited/lived. Maryland has to have to densest collection of condescending, self absorbed, ignorant assholes on the damn planet.

    The drivers here have about as much common sense as a fucking potato. Nothing is ever consistent, other than the parking lot that is the beltways and every single highway connecting them. During non peak hours they're either going 20 over or 20 under depending on, seemingly, their mood.

    Coming from a place where southern hospitality is standard, this place really makes you feel unwelcome. From a fucking tax on rainwater, to the most ridiculously high taxes on everything else this just just takes and takes and takes. But whats even better, the only people they consistently take from are the people that actually work for a living. We all know where it goes from there.

    Worked in Baltimore for about 2 years. Biggest mistake of my fucking life. That place is a cesspool. Anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. You have the areas adjacent to the harbor which I would say are relatively safe, but that isn't saying much. The other 70-80% of that city is either abandoned or project housing. But hell, who wouldn't pay $1,000,000 for a row home that is still hood adjacent?

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