12.03.2008

Everybody RUN! FREAK OUT! GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE!

The escalating nation-wide Obama orgasm scheduled for January 20th means DC bars, nightclubs, and strip clubs will be allowed to stay open for 24 hours during the period of the Inauguration. Alcohol will flow until 5am.

The Washington Post reports that:

The D.C. Council approved emergency legislation this evening that will allow District bars, nightclubs and restaurants to serve alcohol until 5 a.m. -- three hours later than usual -- and remain open for food around the clock from Jan. 17 until the morning after Obama's swearing-in Jan. 20.

I like Obama, but now I’m oficially scared. People are going to go nuts in DC. It’s already going to be crowded. Be on the lookout for Drunk Girl and her posse. Watch out for drunk drivers and public intoxication. The streets of DC will run with the puke of millions!

I still haven’t been successful in my attempts to rent out my studio apartment for the big day. If I’m forced to stay in the city, I’ll be sure to board up my windows, pry a chair against my door, and sleep with a shotgun. It will be like a zombie invasion except the undead will be super happy.

I just thought everyone should know this is going to be fucked up if you didn’t know already. Start planning ahead for brunch and detox.

7 comments:

  1. Give in, King Friday...one of us! One of us! One of us! You must feed on the Jumbo Slice! Juuuummmmmmmbbbbbbbboooooooo Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccce!

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  2. I can't wait. Maybe it will open the eyes of the council that lifting the draconian liquor laws could make dc a better, more fun place? I mean, california sells booze until the wee hours, as does new york, and they haven't collapsed yet.

    On a personal note, as I work in one of the resturants/bars that will be open until 5 am, I better be rewarded with mayhem. If this turns out to be sleepy DC staying up to watch the late movie, I can't be responsible for my actions.

    Mayhem!

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  3. The 10PM cut-off of off license sales is the debul's own legislation. Back In The Day™, you could buy beer just about any time of the night, and the actual liquor stores stayed open until midnight on Saturdays. Freakin' puritans.

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  4. DODGE? THIS ISN'T KANSAS? I HATE KANSAS, AND THE REST OF THE MIDWEST! j/k I just wanted to beat crazy all caps guy to the punch. He is kind of slacking, I mean, The Badger King admitted to possessing a Kansas Drivers License, and got no response from him. I hope he isn't gone golfing for the winter! I really wanted to ask him, If midwest transplants are taking over DC then where are all of the people from DC going? He would probably just pull out the gentrification card, even though he seems to have capitalized off of it.

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  5. Darrin StevensDecember 04, 2008

    Yeah where is all caps guy. I put his sex life out there and no resonse.

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  6. i'm cumin' in my pants!!

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  7. My theory is that all caps guy hasn't been around for weeks. I think the guy who went off last week was an imposter who was cashing in on the original all caps guy's obvious charm and urban mystique. Something about the "Heavey Metal Parking Lot" references and the 9 paragraph posts didn't quite add up.

    All caps guy needs to register with Blogger.

    I'm one to talk.....

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