As of Wednesday, I'm 1 for 3. The Washington Post:
A man was fatally injured this morning after putting himself in the path of an oncoming Metrorail train at the Shady Grove, Metro officials said.
The train was headed to Glenmont when it hit the man about 9:50 a.m., officials said. In a news release, Metro said the man "intentionally placed himself" on the tracks.
One thing I've never understood about these stories is that nobody takes advantage of the electrified third rail. Why not just stick your tongue on that?
But you know what's really fucked up? According to the story, the dude survived for long enough for rescuers to transport his body to the hospital. He later died.
Now, I've been told that suicide isn't as much about killing yourself as it is a desperate cry for help and attention. Anyone afflicted with suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously by those around them.
That being said... Lord baby Jesus, forgive me for what I'm about to say next...
If people who throw themselves onto train tracks are trying to get attention from others, there's more effective locations for doing that than Shady Grove. Unlike someone who jumps from a building, shoots themselves, or performs some other morbid individual act, train jumpers are trying to maximize the impact in a disruptive way. It's basically a big "Fuck You" to the world.
DC has that effect on people.
IF you're resolved to jumping in front of a train, doing it at the Shady Grove Metro station is NOT the way to go. Take it from me. If you want maximum impact, do it at Union Station, the most heavily visited location if the DC rail transit system.
Sure, Metro Center or Gallery Place may sound like ideal death spots, but keep in mind you have different lines on separate levels. You're not really going to get the same effect as you would at Union Station. Unless perhaps half of your severed body is ejected into the air and falls onto the lower level. That would be pretty effective. But you'll probably have only one shot at this-- so don't blow it by thinking you can showboat when you can't. Plus, unlike any other Metro station, I'd imagine an incident at Union would disrupt or maybe even temporarily halt the MARC and AMTRAK trains as investigators inspect the entire system.
So there. I'm still holding out for two others. If you can give me a shout out right before you jump, I'd appreciate it.
Disclaimer: This is a joke. I'm an insensitive ass. Anyone experiencing thoughts of suicide should contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-784-2433. They will have better advice than me on ways to kill yourself.