An open letter to Rockwell "University"

I received this piece of e-mail spam today from Jennifer McCarthy at Rockwell University in McLean:

You are invited to a Free Oracle and Java Training!


[sic, the retards left out my name]

Congratulations! You have been selected for a Free Oracle and Java training at Rockwell University.

If you are tired of 3% raises year after year in a dead end job.....
If you don’t want to wait until you are downsized.....
If you have have 6 figure responsibilities without the 6 figure income.....

Why not consider moving into or up the E-Commerce/Information Technology (IT) career path?

An expert practitioner instructor will give you through a step-by-step introduction to key elements of Oracle and Java technologies including:

* Oracle: SQL, Data Modeling, and client/server architecture
* Java: JVM, JDK, Applets, Servlets
* XML ,Java Server Pages

You will have the opportunity to explore moving into or up the E-Commerce and Information Technology (IT) career path even if you do not have prior experience. We will show you how you can get :

* Greater job satisfaction
* Better job security!
* Additional money!
* Upward mobility!



Jennifer McCarthy

P.S. Because seating is limited to the first 30 responses, you should register immediately.
Dear Ms. Vapid egg sac,

I received your e-mail spam today and would like to respond to your offer. I would like to point out the following things:

- The specific kind of "Information Technology" you purport to teach has tanked in the wake of the failed "New Economy".

- When you send out a form letter, you're supposed to fill in my name after the word "Dear," up at the very top of the letter. I don't have much faith a technical "university" that can't figure out how to do that.

- And while we're on the topic, "University?" Isn't that a bit presumptuous? Traditionally, a university consists of a graduate school and professional schools that award master's degrees and doctorates and an undergraduate division that awards bachelor's degrees. Rockwell "University" awards master's degrees in something called "Commerce Technology" and "Internet Security and Information Management." The 13-week program that your "free seminar" plugs awards some kind of unspecified "certificate" in Oracle/Java nonsense.

- The reason I know that your "free seminar" is actually an hour-long advertisement for your non-free 13-week program is because I was duped into attending one by a classfied advertisement placed in the Washington Post by Rockwell. The ad spoke of a job opportunity, but was instead a veiled reference to the incredible opportunities that await me should I complete your non-free 13-week seminar. This is also why you have my e-mail address. Besides the time I wasted attending your "free seminar," the bait-and-switch tactic you used was demoralizing to me during my job search. Fortunately, in the one interview I scored in six months, I landed my current job.

In conclusion, I don't want your piece-of-shit IT degree. My Masters of Computer Science degree from a real, accredited institution will suit me quite nicely. Please take your free seminar and shove it up your candy-coated ass.


[this space intentionally left blank]

No comments:

Post a Comment