5.05.2003


Washington City Paper Cover Story: Virginia Is for Sluggers


Here's an essay about how Virginia should shoulder the burden of baseball for the Washington area, rather than the district, because Virginia has so little to offer the region.

Here, I'll paraphrase the article for you: "Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch."

Virginians sometimes forget that it's not IKEA and cinema/draft houses that attract talent to the region. What makes the Washington area worthwhile is the District, with its museums, monuments, and secure government jobs, and all the imperial majesty that comes with being the capital city.
Allow me to retort.

1. D.C.'s museums are boring. There, I said it. Go to the British Museum in London, which has the original manuscript of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, original music sheets penned by John Lennon, and the Rosetta Stone... and that's just scratching the surface. That, my friends... that is a motherfucking museum. Having Archie Bunker's original chair doesn't really hold a candle to any of that.

2. Monuments are boring. Did you know they just sit there taking up space? It's true.

3. Secure government jobs are boring. Take it from me.

"Imperial majesty?" The city is in a constant financial crisis; it's murder rate is one of the highest, if not the highest, in the nation; it's a bastion of homelessness, illiteracy, incompetence, corruption, and severe poverty. The District is a dark and scary place, and I can't think of a less majestic city in the nation.

Not that I'm defending Virginia. Virginia is as boring a suburb as they come (which is one of the reasons I would love to see baseball here). But don't claim that D.C. is the crown jewel of the Washington area. There are no crown jewels.

This article also illustrates another big problem I have with living here: D.C. hates Virginia hates Maryland hates D.C. There is a lot of resentment on all sides, and absolutely no civic pride. Cities thrive when residents work together and take pride in their civic identity; Washington is an area divided by its boundaries.

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