- Nothing is canceled ever, for any reason, including mechanical failure or danger to human life.
- Metro is no longer funded at all. It just runs on the sheer excitement the inauguration generated!
- Georgetown is sold off to Virginia, but we get the rest of Arlington back to use as a driving range/ dunebuggy course.
- Marion Barry is executed by the state.
- No more schools at all. Michelle Rhee will just go to every child's house and tell them what they should know in fifteen minutes. Problem solved.
- Hand guns are allowed in the District, but only if you are also legally drunk while carrying them.
- EMS workers receive further fifteen minutes of training by Michelle Rhee, allowing them to correctly identify the torso 60% of the time.
- The Palisades neighborhood is bulldozed and turned into gritty urban set for the next season of 24.
- License plate motto is changed to “Not paying taxes any more, thanks.”
- Liquid water is no longer allowed to freeze into the crystalline state, through sheer mental flintiness.
It's time to get flinty, according to Black Jesus. I offer the ten ways in which it's time for DC to get into the spirit of things (exactly what that spirit entails is unclear as of yet, but let's be as American as possible and just wade in without knowing what is going on or with regard to the consequences. Hurray!).
Posted by The Badger King at 5:27 PM