Keep your filthy paws off my silky draws

I was asked by a longtime fan to comment on the whole no-low-riding-pants-allowed bill, the latest attempt by the Virginia House to resurrect the Crusades.

I didn't read the whole thing, but I believe the proposed penalty is that they put you in the stocks, or a pillory. If it passes, you wouldn't be able to show off your Underoos to the ladies, or even have a thong peeking up over your jeans, thus ruining my plans to stage Thong Song: The Musical! locally.

I no longer have any concept of what year, or even century, I'm living in. Apparently, we're years behind the rest of the world at finding out stuff. Low-rider pants? Not that I'm in the know about this sort of thing, but didn't those disappear, like, at least five years ago? Then the Post goes and runs articles last week about big-name directors doing videogames and the comic-book movie trend, which are two more things the rest of the world got tired of talking about five years ago. I had to keep checking the top of the page to make sure my carrier wasn't delivering five-years-ago papers as a practical joke.