Stupid news roundup, featuring extra botany

These people paid $5 ($8 if arriving late) to sit quietly in a bar and write notes to each other on index cards. This is the kind of story that makes me glad I am no longer dating.

Kevin Simms, a 32-year-old government consultant from Woodbridge, learned during his two-hour quiet stint that simplicity is the key. His typical opening lines were "Hi. My name is Kevin" or "What's your favorite color?"
Far be it from me to make fun of desperate single guys in a public forum, but... "What's your favorite color?" Dude, are you trying to court Big Bird or something? Clearly this guy's not a consultant with the government's Department of Awesome Pick-Up Lines.

Anyway, if a Quiet Party is too much excitement, there's always... standing around and watching this flower bloom. Sadly, the flower did not want to comply.

Brian and Dawn Keneally, from Northern Virginia, brought their two children to the spectacle. "It's a lot bigger than I had thought," said Brian Keneally. "You can see how it's going to become intense," he said. The family lives in Vienna.
Yeah, extreme bloomage, to the MAX! Unless this flower is, like, a Triffid, I seriously question any claims as to its intensity.

God, how I would hate to be their kids. "C'mon, kids! Put down those entertaining video games and come watch a giant flower bloom!" Wait, that kind of thing did happen to me. And I did hate it.

Staying in the plant category, thanks to regular reader Lauren K: check out what this couple in Takoma Park had to go through in an effort to remove one of their trees that was damaging their driveway and making backing out into the street difficult. They hired an aborist, filed tree removal permits, went in front of the five-person Tree Commission, which denied their permit after a 40-minute secret deliberation.

OK... that entire town needs to get laid, ASAP.

But their walk through the wilds of the town's tree ordinance -- one of the most restrictive in the nation -- turned into a journey that took Ken and Betsy from pleased wonderment to sober-minded amazement and, finally, all the way to the Land of Flabbergasted Rage.
Ah yes, I believe I have dual citizenship there.

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