Time to go hairless

Why is it that, nearly two years after moving here, I still haven't found a decent place to get a haircut?

I did have one good stylist who cut my hair regularly for a few months, but she moved to Canada (she was middle Eastern, so I don't blame her) and left me in the proverbial lurch.

Perhaps not coincidentally, she was also the only hairstylist I've had in Washington who spoke decent English. At the risk of sounding xenophobic or even Pat Buchanan-esque, I'm afraid the limiting factor here is the language barrier. The hairstylists in the Virginia suburbs seem to not speak English well at all; and, as I learned yesterday, "cut it down to half-an-inch" is apparently Korean for "make me look like that guy from Eraserhead."

(Hmm, this is certainly not my finest hour.)

Anyway, I'm tempted to just have them shave all my hair off next time, in an attempt to avoid looking like a moron for the next six weeks. It's not like I need a $30 haircut; I just want a decent short one that doesn't make me look stupid. Where can I go?